Staring

Skinny Love – Bon Iver

I used to loathe this song, I still kind of do. I don’t know what he is saying or what skinny love means. I could look it up but to be honest I don’t really care.

I stood waiting for a cab today and this song played and I really did not mind it.

Today I understood what the idiom “took the wind out of my sails” actually feels like- literally.

It’s the knowing ….. realising more like from the deepest part of you brain or heart (depending where you think or act from) – a simple thought , “wow, I will never be good enough will I?”

It’s powerful and devastating at the same time.

Knowing you will never fly high enough without being shot down at every flight.

Knowing that the ticket to somewhere led you nowhere.

Knowing you will never ever be able to laugh your heart out.

Knowing this is you – scarred and never complete.

Knowing you are just another number.

Knowing you are going to be as insignificant as the grain of sand in the vastness that exists.

Knowing you will never ever fall in love again with the same intensity as you did when you were young.

Knowing you will exist and tomorrow will come with more tiny heartbreaks and knocks that will become the new norm….

Knowing you can no longer give…..

Knowing you will never ever be – good enough….

Knowing , just knowing…