Ignorance….

I have lost touch with my mundane routine…..(can I say I have lost touch with reality? hmmm not just yet…)

Coming back feels good…..but it is a bit daunting as well……

It started to snow when I was just about to leave….and the flakes came down beautifully…. just like the ones you see in a snow globe

I wish I could have captured the moment to share….

Antique Store — Antique or just Unwanted?

Ever walked into an antique shop? I love it…… it has a mood about it….. all the things in there old, new, broken, stolen, lost, snatched….I feel have a little story of their own…… makes me wonder tho….why do people give these things away? jewellery…..tables….paintings

I am sure they meant something to someone at some point in time…….it always intrigues me……I have this obsession with the past and the things in the past….

anyways before I drift away again…..lets talk about music….

Lost – Anouk

Her voice literally makes my hair stand….in a good way or a bad way? I still can’t tell …..

I honestly do not know what she is singing about….but I have my own interpretation

This song symbolises a strange hopelessness…a human incapacity to do something …. she sings about being lost in someone…… lost in the contradiction of character in that person……and her own love and hate towards those contradictions …..

“If the roses are meant to be red…..violets to be blue…….but why isn’t my heart meant for you?” with lines you’d would think can it get any more cheesy?…..

and then

“Lost in this world……I even get lost in this song “ and with those lines she conveys perfectly that emotion of despair…..

I guess the guy was a musician…..as she carries on about his music being irresistable and then she says “Your voice makes my skin crawl” It is left for the listener to decide whether she hates his voice or loves it…… contradiction? I do not know….

She asks “Mr.Inaccessible, will this ever change? one thing that remains the same…..you’re still a picture in a frame”….. I love the way she calls him inaccessible…… she wants something to change but she is convinced there is something that will remain the same..again contradiction…… Does picture in the frame signify a memory?

What should change? why should something remain the same…….

“Lost in this world ……I even get lost in this song” she says, “Am I the only one?”

After writing this out I just realized how random this post is……I know this doesn’t make sense….but I love the fact it doesn’t…

I want to break away from this constant need I feel to “make sense all the time” to everyone…..and even though I envy people who can…. Sometimes a Little No Sense helps…..

The Painting on the wall…

The first painting I bought when I moved out on my own…..

Even to this day I do not know who the artist is….. or what this piece of art is called….. but for me it is a masterpiece…

If you see the coloured picture of this painting you will see around her eyes there is a light tinge of red….. I think she cried herself to sleep…. when I look at this painting I always wonder…. was she a figment of the artist’s imagination? or was she his muse? why did she cry?…. (I don’t know why I assumed that the artist was a man)

Lets talk about Mums – complex yet the most beautiful creatures God ever created…..

Mine broke down on the phone today….and it broke my heart….hence the post

I like to think I am the extension of my mother….. I know it’s an old cliché to say “I am all that I am because of her”….. but hey isnt life full of clichés?

Wind beneath my wings- Bette Midler

A song that describes what my mom means to me….

“Did you ever know that you’re my hero? your everything I would like to be….I can fly higher than an eagle……because you are the wind beneath my wings“

I never told my mum she is my hero…… I never told her she is everything I wish I could be…… and I am flying higher than an eagle because she is the wind beneath my wings…..

For all the times she was content “To let me shine”…she is that “beautiful face without a name” she has a “beautiful smile to hide the pain“……

For all the times I left her in coldness……but she was my shadow…..and for all the times I couldn’t say a “Sorry” or a “Thank you”…. she walked “A step behind”

It hasn’t gone unnoticed mom….I have it all here in my heart….

“I want you to know I know the truth, Of course I know….I would be nothing without you”

She thought me how to fly…. and it’s her wisdom that got me here…..

“Thank God for you, my wind beneath my wings”

Make it strong..

Rosi Golan- Been a long day…

“It’s been a long day…and all I’ve got to say is make it strong”

As you grow older the more weary you get…..

I am weary… and if I did drink…. I’d say “Make it stong”

“Take a leave of absence, tell me you’ll be gone…..”

“Its been a long day and I just want to hideaway…” ….. thats how I feel….. how can a song tell you how you feel?

“It’s been a long week, I am finally feeling like its ok to break into thousand pieces no one can replace….Only I can find my way” …… sometimes you just want to give up because the world wont give in…..

“Its been a long year….. and all this mess around me is finally clear….” I worked hard not to give up….

“So can I have a moment?”

Please, just a moment to catch my breath….

In spite of all the s**t you go through….. you will find when you wake up – that you are mended ……..somehow you are okay….to face another day…..not to be beaten…..but to put up a good fight…..

“It’s been a long year….and I am finally ready to be here…..”

Echo….

“You could be happy I wont know…” ever lost touch with a friend? or have a face in your head that you can’t quite place a name?….. kids you went to school with but never ever saw them again, ever?

You could be happy- Snow Patrol

“Is it too late to remind you how we were….”

I know we can never go back….. hindsight is a wonderful thing they say…..

It’s just having to pick the phone and calling that long-lost friend…. I dont think I am brave enough to do that…… It’s no excuse I know…

But…

Sometimes things are better left just the way they are…..unsaid…unknown

I like to lock the good memories away in a box and throw away the keys..to keep them intact……I have this foolish notion that once let out they will never be the same…..

“All the things I wish I had not said…..” “are played in loops till it’s madness in my head “

“Most of what I could remember makes me sure….I shouldve stopped you from walking out the door…”

Pride however has a price to pay….

There are a few times when I want to make that call even if it just to say “Hello Stranger”, “I hate the fact we lost touch…..”

“Is it too late to remind you how we were?”

“Dont think just do….“

“Take a glorious bite of the whole world…”

I truly hope you got all that you dreamed of….

“You could be happy.. I hope you are….”

No Name Face…

I must warn you this is not an easy subject to write about…… I will go straight into the soundtrack just to ease in the subject lightly…..

The first time I heard this song….. It was on the radio…. the person who introduced the song said it was all about introspection and loss….looking back I dont think that introduction did the song justice….I dont think anyone will be able to justice to this song

Breathing by Lifehouse……..

People will agree with me that loss is traumatic… losing someone physically (and emotionally) has a profound impact on who we become….

“Finding my way back to sanity….again, though I dont know what I am going to do when I get there”

Yes you want to move on…… yes everything eventually goes back to being normal….. but what happens when you get there with a void that will never be filled….

“Take a breath and hold on tight….spin around one more time and gracefully fall back on the arms of grace”

It best describes the feelings of someone sitting beside their loved one aware of their impending death….. “I am hanging on every word you say and even if you dont want to speak tonight, its alright” he says…..

“I want nothing more than, to sit outside heaven door and listen to you breathing…… this is where I want to be”

What wouldnt people give….. to hear their loved one breathe again…. even if it is for just one moment……

Replaying their voices and conversations over and over again……..

“I’m trying to identify the voices in my head….God, which one is you?”

All the questions enclosed in a why?

Elderly couples married for years and years…. when he dies ….the only world she has known is gone….

When I look at older couples at church,,,,, I think to myself I want to always see them that way…..together ..not alone…together……thats how I want to remember them forever…. together…..not alone …never alone….

“I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing…. is where I want to be….”

“I dont want a thing from you, bet you ‘re tired of me waiting…for the scraps to fall off your table”

Like the poor who used to wait for the food to fall off from the rich mans table….

Ironic? I think we take too many things for granted in life……

“I just want to be here now”

Dream The Dream….

How do you make a start? ….. a start on something bittersweet….. I am conscious of the fact that this little project of mine is starting to have a very heavy, deep, dark undertone to it….. I could either choose to brighten it up or leave it be…. Actually I dont care what kind of theme or pattern it follows….. All I care about is the picture and the song that mean something to me…..

Coming back to the soundtrack….. I remember the theme was bittersweet…. well let me remind Euston(i.e. blogville) I am no music critic and my taste in music is just “Mine” not out there to be categorized…..for people who stay away from Home….. stay away from everything they have ever known all their life…moving from town to town……. Michael Buble- Home

This song defines home like no other (well at least for me) and I think this man is pure genius mixed with class.

Another summer day has come and gone away….. in Paris and Rome – he simply says “I wanna go home”

He explains how he has it all but yet he misses that one thing- Home…. he knows he is lucky and all…. “Let me go home” he says “I got to go home” , “I wanna come home” “Let me go home”

My favorite part … “And I feel just like am living someone elses life”.……… “It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right”

Another winter day has come and gone away ….even in Paris and Rome…..“But I wanna go home”

Why bittersweet? well people stay away all the time…but realising they miss home and that they want to come home….is a realization worth celebrating…..Like the return of the prodigal’s son…

“Am just too far from where you are”, “You deserve more than that”, these are words for family who endure the ordeal “I know why you could not come away with me, it was not your dream… but you always believed in me” …. the song blends regrets, considerations and realizations beautifully…..

“I’ve had my run, …. I’m done”

The hope in the end “It will all be alright, I’ll be Home tonight, I am coming back home”

Finally the picture, even with my ridiculously pseudo/amateur photographic skills (when I say amateur I am thinking skills of 6-10 yr olds with a camera) ….I think it came out beautifully. Standing outside the theatre where the musical – I sooo badly want to see is running, which happens to be the longest running musicals in the history of west end. I stood there rapt in awe…. The little girl reminded me of my sister and

……………at that moment I was absolutely blown away.

Whimsical Rain Drops….

Not as whimsical as the title suggests it to be… I must admit not the best day to write….well not like I write something monumentally life changing everyday…. but anyway before I digress and talk about what an incompetent writer I am….. I will move on….

As the days get colder,,, it rains for hours and days…. it’s not the feel good…. “Man…I feel pretty damn fine today, with the rain falling” kinda feeling…..

It’s the dreadfully cold, avoid the puddle…shoot my shoes are wet…. I hate to walk in the rain kinda feeling….

I do feel guilty for making this post pointless…. but looking at the picture while listening to the song maybe a fraction of the sentiment is conveyed? am hoping it does……

It’s not inspiring to find a perfect song which matches the miserable backdrop… but one song did play on my Ipod which came close ….

A cover of I can’t help falling in love by Ingrid Michaelson……. just the piano….. accompanying her voice….. she sings about wise men and fools….. and how she can’t help it…. how she can’t help falling……

Should she stay? would it be a sin? she asks……

as the river flows…… surely to the sea…..

Please, she says….. “Take my hand” …..

What was strange, was that I did not relate to the song….. Not even remotely…..

I felt like I heard someone’s story….. and for first time I was the stranger……..I asked myself am I wise? or am I just a fool?

Maybe someday watching out of the window…. seeing the rain drops fall , it may feel different….. Maybe it wouldnt be as cold and dreadful….maybe someday I will feel the same way about rain like I did when I was a child….. Maybe it will feel like a whimsical dream….. maybe and someday….

Are somethings really meant to be?

I will never be….

I never warmed up to Duffy…. and then she sang these words….

“But I will never be your stepping stone…….”

“Take it all or leave me alone…..”

“I am standing upright on my own…..”

Wings — Am standing upright on my own...

A moment in time….

Ever heard of the expression “Time stood still”?

Well it always does for me……. when I am in this place.

It feels like a movie where everything moves in a slow motion…..

and I hear a song play in my head

“I’ll be seeing you…. in all the old familiar places ……that this heart of mine embraces, all day through”

“In that small cafe……the park across the way… the children’s carousel….the chestnut tree and the wishing well”

Billie Holiday croones….inside my head

And I wonder too…. every lovely summers day……Who do I find in the morning sun?…..and when the night is new…..when I look at the moon …..but I’ll be seeing you?

I’ll be seeing you……