Loss – Missing Soundtrack

Complicated…

Entangled don’t you think?

That is the colour of the sky when it is about to rain…

Kinda like the state of mind right now, don’t you think?

Yes were all bloody emo today and speak to me if you have a problem with that….(That’s what I thought)

For You~ Yim Jae Bum [ 너를 위해 – 임재범]

You know the feeling when your hearts been all ripped out and you feel like the pain is good enough to kill you….

Listening to this song is just as painful……

Why would we want to listen to something like that you ask?

Well because I consider myself one of those sadistic fools who finds pleasure in ripping the skin out of a healing wound…

Because I am lovely like that…..

This man’s voice is raw and aching enough to make me cry…(and that my friend is no bloody exaggeration)

He sings…..“Maybe we are people tangled in a complicated relationship”

Arent we all?…… don’t we all go out and find the worst fit…. that feels right …..but nearly kills us?

“Everyday I am debted to you”…..debts

That darn hope….that same ridiculously foolish hope…..that made us belive in the first place….that darn hope that whispered “It is going to be ok” ………that same hope that told you the 100ft plunge you were about to take is anything but fatal….

“Debts that are too much for me to pay back”

Am I debted to you because you loved me the most? or am I debted to you because I know that no one else can or ever will?

“Sometimes like a couple”

How strange does that sound? A couple…..

But how right does it feel?

“Sometimes like strangers”

Years go by…..and it feels just like yesterday….

“Can we keep on living like this?”

Yet…..we do….

“Despite countless mistakes and separations”

Yes the countless mistakes…….those countless mistakes…..

“You are still there”

Like an oak tree that stands tall……like an urban legend that has always been heard of……but never seen…..

“I know that you are the only person, who can help me live properly in this world”

Because you right my wrongs and I, yours….

“I, in order to live without regrets should keep you by my side”

Yes I need you close if I don’t want regret in my life…….

“My rough mind and unstable expressions”

But we are like fire and moth,

“And you watching it, That is a love like war”

We will destroy what we build….break what we so painfully fix….

“Because I am dangerous, Because I love you”

Because we destroy…..

Because we destroy everything and everyone around us…..

And because we cannot stop until we have destroyed each other….

“I will leave “

and again today I close shut this story with the familiar tragic end……until next time……

Little Bird…

Are You Alright – Lucinda Williams

Three words you want to ask your friend……

“Are you all right?- All of a sudden you went away ”

Three words you want to say to someone you lost….

“Are you all right?- I hope you come back around someday”

Three words you want to ask someone you miss…..

“Are you all right? – I haven’t seen you in a real long time”

Three words to someone you wish you could see…..

“Are you all right?- Could you give me some kind of sign?”

Three words to describe regret…….

“Are you all right?- I looked around me and you were gone”

Three words to let some know you are worried sick….

“Are you all right?- I feel like there must be something wrong

Three words…..

“Are you all right?
Cause it seems like you disappeared”

Your Fears….
“Are you all right?- Cause I’ve been feeling a little scared”

Words you cannot ask…..

Are you sleeping through the night?
Do you have someone to hold you tight?
Do you have someone to hang out with?
Do you have someone to hug & kiss you?

Your burden…..
“Are you all right?- Is there something been bothering you?”

Things you wish you knew….

“Are you all right?- I wish you could give me a little clue”

Words you wish you could hear….

“Are you all right?- Is there something you want to say?”

Words that would put your mind to ease….

“Are you all right?- Just tell me that you are ok”

Your disappointment

“Are you all right?- Cause you took off without a word”

Three words….

“Are you all right?- You flew away like a little bird”

Three words that would make it ok…

“Are you all right?-Is there anything I can do?-Are you all right?”

Sometimes the three words you want to hear……

“Are you all right?
Cause I need to hear from U
Are you all right?”

That Life,

The clouds are heavy today, overshadowing the mood…..giving me a sense of tranquilty……With my easy listening playlist on……the perfect sunday continues…..I look out my kitchen window…..eventhough it seems cold outside I feel okay….the gentle breeze swaying the trees……if only life stayed that way……light and breezy…

Light Years Away~ MoZella

This song reminds me of telephone boxes for some strange reason….when I think about it, it is not all that strange….

“It’s almost like you had it planned
It’s like you smiled and shook my hand and said
“Hey, I’m about to screw you over, big time”
And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and a hard place
We won’t talk about the hard place”

I think about all the times I stood inside those stupid telephone boxes crying……never wanting to make that call again……..standing infront of all those payphones dialing away my misery…….whispering quietly “I will wait”…….hoping to recognise the voice on the other end…..

“It’s how you wanted it to be
It’s like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I’m never going back
To who I was“

Strangers waiting behind me ……with that impatient look on their faces, their looks said…”Lady, you are wasting your coins and my time”……. how can they be so heartless? I think to myself……..I try and wipe away the last tear…….and I whisper again quietly “I will wait”……….it is the last coin…….I hate the last coin…….it always has to be the last coin……I drop it in……..the last 30 secs go by…….and before I can blink……the voice on the other line is gone……..

“But I don’t blame you anymore
That’s too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I’m not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life “

I havent stepped into a telephone box for years now…….I no longer use payphones……..I don’t remember that number my fingers memorised ……no lose change to carry around thinking….just in case………

Meanwhile the sun shines shyly through the blinds on my window……….

“That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away”

Clouds will Rage….

To Mothers who are, will be and were meant to be…..

In My Arms ~ Plumb

To the child in my dreams….

“Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight”

“I saw you again yesterday…..It seems like we are meant to meet this way…..

I see you……when you think I cannot….

I want you to know ……You were never unspoken of…. far from it…….

I spoke about you all day…..everyday…….

I remember you like a name in the holy book…..

You were my saving grace……

You were our saving grace…….

We never wished you away……

We were the children of that storybook…….

And you our little princess from the fairytale….”

“Story books full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see the truth from lies “

“It is not pain that I feel, but the cold realization,

Of the promise I made….

It is the image of you…..

Your hazel eyes……

Your golden brown hair…..

Your Olive skin…….

See I was a little girl……who loved to dream……

A little girl…….

just like a little girl you would grow up to be…..

But little girls grow up too……”

“Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you “

“I see you……..

I know we see you….

Even though it is no longer ‘us’

We loved you before you came…..

We always loved you as a part of us…..

A part our dream…..

A part of our fairytale……

Precious the name…..

Precious the memory…..

And I pray for the memory…..

You were the Sweetest truth……

You will always be our saving grace…..

You will always be my saving grace…..”

“Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms”

No Name Face…

I must warn you this is not an easy subject to write about…… I will go straight into the soundtrack just to ease in the subject lightly…..

The first time I heard this song….. It was on the radio…. the person who introduced the song said it was all about introspection and loss….looking back I dont think that introduction did the song justice….I dont think anyone will be able to justice to this song

Breathing by Lifehouse……..

People will agree with me that loss is traumatic… losing someone physically (and emotionally) has a profound impact on who we become….

“Finding my way back to sanity….again, though I dont know what I am going to do when I get there”

Yes you want to move on…… yes everything eventually goes back to being normal….. but what happens when you get there with a void that will never be filled….

“Take a breath and hold on tight….spin around one more time and gracefully fall back on the arms of grace”

It best describes the feelings of someone sitting beside their loved one aware of their impending death….. “I am hanging on every word you say and even if you dont want to speak tonight, its alright” he says…..

“I want nothing more than, to sit outside heaven door and listen to you breathing…… this is where I want to be”

What wouldnt people give….. to hear their loved one breathe again…. even if it is for just one moment……

Replaying their voices and conversations over and over again……..

“I’m trying to identify the voices in my head….God, which one is you?”

All the questions enclosed in a why?

Elderly couples married for years and years…. when he dies ….the only world she has known is gone….

When I look at older couples at church,,,,, I think to myself I want to always see them that way…..together ..not alone…together……thats how I want to remember them forever…. together…..not alone …never alone….

“I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing…. is where I want to be….”

“I dont want a thing from you, bet you ‘re tired of me waiting…for the scraps to fall off your table”

Like the poor who used to wait for the food to fall off from the rich mans table….

Ironic? I think we take too many things for granted in life……

“I just want to be here now”

“It’s almost like you had it planned It’s like you smiled and shook my hand and said “Hey, I’m about to screw you over, big time” And what was I supposed to do? I was stuck in between you and a hard place We won’t talk about the hard place”

“It’s how you wanted it to be It’s like you played a joke on me And I lost a friend In the end And I think that I cried for days But now that seems light years away And I’m never going back To who I was“

“But I don’t blame you anymore That’s too much pain to store It left me half dead Inside my head And boy, looking back I see I’m not the girl I used to be When I lost my mind It saved my life “

“That life seems like light years away Light years away And that life seems like light years away Light years away”

“Your baby blues So full of wonder Your curly cues Your contagious smile And as I watch You start to grow up All I can do is hold you tight”

“Story books full of fairy tales Of kings and queens and the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing You’ll someday see the truth from lies “

“Castles they might crumble Dreams may not come true But you are never all alone Because I will always Always love you “

“Clouds will rage And storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms”