Would you let me. .

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Beneath your beautiful ~ Labrinth & Emeli Sande

Paris- Nov, 12

It’s a cliche and it is Paris after all- what do you expect?

Smelly metro…… you wrinkle your nose and say how it is all better in London. (Course it is Hun!)…… we spend half an hour trying to figure out the silly ticket machines in french! (Remind me did you not take lessons? oh no we know what you did with the french lessons….. what? I am kidding!!)

Oh wait!!! They drive on the wrong side of the road…… you and I nearly get killed by a bus hardly an hour getting to the city…..

You stop me from getting killed and killing a cyclist twice within the next 20mins (lets not forget my non- existent road sense gave you an opportunity to give me a loud lecture for the next 10 odd mins- My hero!)

Just had to do the walking hand in hand….. stop at random stores…. stare at strangers.

I stare at you….. at the coffee shop – its almost midnight and we are arguing randomly over why we wouldn’t move to every new city we visit because I happen to fall in love with every single one of them. The man with bunch of roses stops by (cliche!) and you buy one and ask him to give it to me (Of course giving me the rose yourself would be a – cliche!).

You hate the art scene- I love the buzz …… ‘Not my kinda city’,  you say.  We cross the bridge as I buy a stupid lock to write our names on it, you are complaining while I fix the lock ….. you wouldn’t want anyone to know of this, you warn me. I laugh and I throw the spare key in the river.

A few oysters and a few wriggly insects after…….. we reach the Eiffel to see it lit……

Its freezing and you remind me for the umpteenth time ‘that you told me to get my coat -and how I never listen to you!!!’

The lights come on and its all magical (Cliche?)…….

Of course the next day-  I wouldn’t miss Shakespeare and Co for the world (check Before Sunset for context), you are good at navigation (we know that!) and we finally arrive- you let me have my moment. You feel out of place with the musty old books……… I hurry up and pick the ‘Little Prince’ as a souvenir…

On the train back – I think to myself ‘now wasn’t that a romantic trip’? – I hear you murmur something about being hungry….. and I smile to myself ‘Damn right it was, I fell in love all over again!’ (Of course with Paris…..Nah!! with you sunshine!)

‘Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?’

Complicated…

Entangled don’t you think?

That is the colour of the sky when it is about to rain…

Kinda like the state of mind right now, don’t you think?

Yes were all bloody emo today and speak to me if you have a problem with that….(That’s what I thought)

For You~ Yim Jae Bum [ 너를 위해 – 임재범]

You know the feeling when your hearts been all ripped out and you feel like the pain is good enough to kill you….

Listening to this song is just as painful……

Why would we want to listen to something like that you ask?

Well because I consider myself one of those sadistic fools who finds pleasure in ripping the skin out of a healing wound…

Because I am lovely like that…..

This man’s voice is raw and aching enough to make me cry…(and that my friend is no bloody exaggeration)

He sings…..“Maybe we are people tangled in a complicated relationship”

Arent we all?…… don’t we all go out and find the worst fit…. that feels right …..but nearly kills us?

“Everyday I am debted to you”…..debts

That darn hope….that same ridiculously foolish hope…..that made us belive in the first place….that darn hope that whispered “It is going to be ok” ………that  same hope that told you the 100ft plunge you were about to take is anything but fatal….

“Debts that are too much for me to pay back”

Am I debted to you because you loved me the most? or am I debted to you because I know that no one else can or ever will?

“Sometimes like a couple”

How strange does that sound? A couple…..

But how right does it feel?

“Sometimes like strangers”

Years go by…..and it feels just like yesterday….

“Can we keep on living like this?”

Yet…..we do….

“Despite countless mistakes and separations”

Yes the countless mistakes…….those countless mistakes…..

“You are still there”

Like an oak tree that stands tall……like an urban legend that has always been heard of……but never seen…..

“I know that you are the only person, who can help me live properly in this world”

Because you right my wrongs and I, yours….

“I, in order to live without regrets should keep you by my side”

Yes I need you close if I don’t want regret in my life…….

“My rough mind and unstable expressions”

But we are like fire and moth,

“And you watching it, That is a love like war”

We will destroy what we build….break what we so painfully fix….

“Because I am dangerous, Because I love you”

Because we destroy…..

Because we destroy everything and everyone around us…..

And because we cannot stop until we have destroyed each other….

“I will leave “

and again today I close shut this story with the familiar tragic end……until next time……

The Odds

The Actor ~ Michael Learns to Rock

Now now don’t go judging my taste in music,just because it is MLTR, I will have you know MLTR was a great band to whom I owe my true teenage romance….

I have a very dear mixed tape which has Paint My Love taped trillion times on it……maybe that will be a story to tell for another day…

But we have many MLTR songs to play……maybe we will and maybe we won’t who knows….well time will tell…

Speaking of time……how the tables have changed…..

Not opening a can of worms or anything….am just generally surprised by the change….. Like tasting a lemon cake after a cup of coffee (which is yum btw you should try it)

No no I am not getting this right….

I am generally surprised by life…..and the change it has brought about …..

The change in me and the people I knew…..

I am surprised (that doesn’t happen a lot….believe me)

Well switch to the song….I’ll get to the point in a min….

It is a tough one to decipher….(well not really……writing it in detail will just give the plot away…..you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out…..)

“He takes you out and he
takes you up
’cause he can show you so much
I go to bed and tomorrow again
There’s a lot of work to be done”

I travelled on a train one day and I met this old sailor gentleman or a seaman as they would like to be called…..who loved the sea too much….

We spoke about life and things in general…….

He commented on the Thomas Hardy book which I was reading at the time…”The Woodlanders”

I told him it was my second reading and it was one of my all time favorites by Hardy…..

As the conversation went on…..he amazed me with his wit and honesty…..

He was in deep thought…..and suddenly he said to me (what he said next,,,,,this I was not ready for)…..that I deserved to be with a dreamer…..someone who is not ambitious to take over the world….but is wise enough…..who has a big heart and is loved by all….

“He gives you gold and
He’ll promise you
The whole world will be yours
I just can tell you I love you so
Even though my odds are low”

I was astonished…..and at the same time I doubted the matter being true…..I wondered should he say this to another girl…..she would feel the same way…..like I did at the time…..How does he know me so well? Maybe he is a con artist (or just a big old smoothie who knows what to say to get the women smiling)

Anyways my destination was near and I bid farewell to the sage sailor , he wished me well and I got off the train ……Undeniable was fact  he left a deep impression on me by saying the things he said…. but what he said got me thinking……even though he pulled off the “I envision your man to be” trick with ease…..I knew what he said was nevertheless true…..

“The dirty games and the
Neonshows
This is the world he knows
Watching the stars satisfies my soul
Thinking of him makes me feel so cold”

People think I am lying when I tell them I don’t dig the ambitious wall street, suited up, Porsche driving Joneses’ and Smiths’ , oh the dirty looks  they throw when I say I rather the man write poetry that don’t sell or tend a farm and bring up half a dozen of grubby looking kids…

I imagine the looks I’d get from my family if I told them…..oh the looks of horror….quite comical……lol thinking of it just cracks me up….

Who would have thought it…….

But it is true though……I feel I am not meant to be the lady of leisure who tends to her immaculately manicured lawns….nor am I the type to be the trophy wife who dotes on her golf playing husband and is the epitome of a perfect hostess who knows how to throw a party for the crème le de creme…nor is it my wish to be the power dressing 9-5 woman expected to say nothing but razor sharp things (so sharp I nearly cut myself there)..no sir, these hands were made for scrubbing those grubby kids……and tending to a half a dozen of animals……growing tomatoes…..packing organic lunches…..wearing cotton dresses, reading books in a hammock and worrying about little cuts and bruises….

“The fancy cars and the
Restaurants
You’re just so fond of the man
Sometimes I wonder if you are blind
Can’t you see, he’s got dirt on his mind”

If only…..if only life was as simple as Hardy’s simpleton folks….

So how did the tables turn?  why do people love slotting you into little pigeon holes?

Why is high-end the ultimate end? and why is class always on top?

Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence the saying goes…..

nevertheless expectations are to be met….and predestined paths  to be tred……Or so I am told….

So don’t call me a hypocrite if I fall victim of the swanky Lord of the Mansion on the next street……atleast I wished to be on the other side of the fence….

“I’m not an actor I’m not a star
And I don’t even have my own car
But I’m hoping so much you’ll stay
That you will love me anyway”

97th Time

Ready? Not an easy one….total mindf%#K this time!

Don’t say I dint  warn you!

Pseudo-Conversations

Blah Blah Blah Blah….

Blah de blah de blah……

Confused? well let me break this down…..

You know the things you really want to say but you always end up saying something utterly ambiguous in contrast to the things you were supposedly thinking?

(Wait…….What?)

I consider myself the forerunner in the art of such non-existent conversations….

(FFS JEN!)

Ok Ok we will go into a song…….meanwhile I will collect my thoughts and figure out how I can write like an (a ahem,!) adult (psh!)  and the world can make sense again?

Someday We’ll Know ~ New Radicals

I can see it I am going to run this post to the ground by my incessant…….inarticulate f**kery!

(WTH!- meanwhile can I just interject that this is my next song in the someday series…kthnxbye!)

What I am trying to say is I cannot speak my mind……we all know this is an ongoing problem……yeah yeah I took one of those classes which was going to teach me how to speak my mind…… (Alright…alright mom I wont practise on you!)…..well surprise! It dint work……….well to really break it down I AM CHICKEN BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL PEOPLE WHAT I AM ACTUALLY THINKING!

There! (Phew!….now that was easy!)

“90 miles outside chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later, you’re still on my mind”

Random enough?

What was I saying? ah my inability to converse about my deepest (aka I am A FREAK!), innermost (yeah right you freak!) feelings (Ha ha ha…….oh no you were serious?)

Dont belive me?

Hypothetical roleplay

(One such conversations taking place between two random people..people we don’t know! no no we don’t know them

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental….Of course! what did you expect?……this is no freaking auto bio you know!)

“Whatever happened to Emilia Earhart ,Who holds the stars up in the sky?” she asked him

“Is true love just once in a lifetime ?” he asked her back…..

“Did the captain of the Titanic cry” she questioned again

.

,

,

(You feeling me? noo? well lets continue then…..)

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.

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He said “Someday we’ll know, If love can move a mountain”

“Someday we’ll know,Why the sky is blue” she replied

“Someday we’ll know,Why I wasn’t meant for you” he whispered…

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(Psst…psst……is she dumb? well you know a little bit…..meanwhile you guys see what I mean?…hmm kinda? well you’ll see what I mean when I am through with this….keep rolling….)

*

******

“Does anybody know the way to Atlantis,Or what the wind says when she cries” she blinked blankly….

I’m speeding by the place where I met you, (he Paused)…For the 97th time…. tonight” he exclaimed!

*

*******

(I know what you lot are thinking…….it gets better I tell you….)

********

*

“Someday we’ll know,Why Samson loved Delilah” he said smiling at her….

Smiling back slowly she said One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon

He stiffened and with the familiar finality in his tone he said Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you

**********

Thoughts in her head I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me?

::::Finito::::

SO?

Did you get what I mean?

(NO?…………..MY POINT EXACTLY!)

That enough tomfoolery for today Miss Moses!

PS: Old habits die a thousand deaths indeed! (You Wish!)