Tag: Faith

An Army

In the middle of the night

Rescue ~ Lauren Daigle

Bear with me – this might take awhile..

Bear with me – this will only take a moment.

Bear with me – I just need to breathe..

Bear with me – stepping out for air…

Bear with me – this is harder than I thought..

Bear with me – it’s the middle of the night.

Bear with me – I just might have lost my way..

Bear with me – just need a moment to think

Bear with me – but who crossed the line…

Bear with me – this might sound childish.

Bear with me – haven’t got all the answers…

Bear with me – this is too real..

Bear with me- while I ask why?

Bear with me – I don’t see it….

Bear with me – while I find it…

Bear with me – it’s hard for me to say..

Bear with me – while I look the other way..

Bear with me – you might have forgotten..

Bear with me – while I try to remember ..

Bear with me – I am a little weary…

Bear with me – here is what I have to say…

Bear with me – what makes you think I care?

Getting through…

You ~ Switchfoot

I learned something today….

I learned that when the going gets tough…..I run to my Dad…..

I realised that no matter how tough I act or how ridiculously smug I am….. I need my father to hold my hand when the world rears its ugly head at me…..

I remember calling my Dad who lives 7,000 miles away and crying about my leaking roof foolishly……. thinking that he can fix it……wanting to believe he can fix it…for me…..

Today is just one of those days……

I was on my way to lunch…….I saw the elderly couple I see at the church every sunday…..they were walking from the local surgery……

I lit up, cause it had been awhile since I last saw them…..I was happy to see them…..

I enquired if all was well as I did not see them at church for couple of weeks, she shook her head…and my heart dropped….she held my hand and she shook her head…..I saw it in her eyes………and my throat started to close up…..like unknown hands had gripped it and it hurt like hell……She looked deep into my eyes desperately……holding my hands tighter…..she said “He has dementia”, I wanted to scream……like I was in pain……I thought I would explode…she repeated those words…..and all I could hear was white noise…… I don’t know why she looked at me like that..but it tore my soul up…..I struggled with words….. clumsily I put my hand on her small shoulders and said “I will pray”…and “It will be ok”..I couldnt bear to look at her…… I wanted to pull away…..

I wanted to pull away and walk as quickly as I can…….because I did not know what to do…or say…….I wanted it to stop this pain inside……like someone stuffed a piece of cloth down my throat…….

I looked at him…….and he smiled at me……..I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me…..

I wanted someone to hold me tight……hold my breaking heart……and make the pain go away,.,,,,

I wanted to say something and the words failed me…….

I got back to work…..I called that one person who’s voice would make it ok…….. and numb my pain……

I called my Father…..

Incoherently I spoke  between sobs ……..I muttered I wasnt ok……I repeated what had just passed

I wanted to tell him instead that my world was crashing around me….and I wanted him to hold me…..and make it stop……make it all stop….

I don’t remember what he said…..I still don’t remember what he said……

Her voice still rings clearly in my head……I saw her pain and it was just too real for me to handle……I saw her tears ….and now I am haunted by it….

And I cannot stop it…….

I want the world to make sense…….

I want it to be ok…..

I want them to be ok…..

I want to go back to that moment and ask her “If there is something I can do?”,….I want to say all the things I could not say,,,

I want to hold them tight…..

I want it to go away like a bad dream…..

I want to remember them togeather…..Holding hands…..

Watching them at church I envied them together……I wanted to grow old like that…..

I don’t want this memory……

Try as I may it won’t leave me alone……

I want my father to say  “It will be ok”

Just this once….

I want him to fix it…….

“There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through”

Forgot about Faith…

I fall asleep mysteriously these days…

I snooze everywhere I can and at any given time of the day….

I sit on the couch and its barely noon and I am off before I know it…

Hours later I wake up and it’s almost the end of the day..

In God’s Hands ~ Nelly Furtado

I know its trivial…….

But in the time I have fallen asleep I feel ages have gone by…

and I forget what happened a few hours ago…..

I remember struggling to sleep for years…..

“Now our love’s floating out the window
Our love’s floating out the back door
Our love’s floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God’s hands”

Life has its poetic moments….and all that implies…….

Walking in the rain yesterday, was mine….

“Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It’s part of a plan
It’s back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands”

We’re Undone…

I am not a martyr…

I have never walked the line nor dodged a bullet…..

But today I feel like a tragic flaw…

Not because of my inability to write or communicate…

It is because of my selfish need to destroy whats left of    innocence…

We Belong Together ~ Gavin DeGraw

I know someone who lost his wife to cancer……

Everytime I heard him speak of his late wife…I saw a spark…. A reverence in his eyes….Like she never left him…….and Their’s was a story that generations would come to hear and it would still evoke the same sense of magic and hope as it did for me in this cold twisted world….

“The hammer may strike, be dead on the ground
A nail to my hand, a cross on his crown
We’re done if we’re undone
Finished if we are incomplete
As one we are everything
We are everything we need“

Every great story has a “Happy Ending”……what makes them great is not the Happily ever after…..it is the start and the middle bit that most of us in our own lives forget to enjoy….

“What good is a life, with no one to share
The light of the moon, the honor of a swear
We can try to live the way of which you speak”

I have an apology to write……a long one….an apology for my lost innocence,

An apology for the promise I never did keep…

But this darkness does not have all the answers…

“We belong together
Like the open seas and shores
Wedded by the planet force
We’ve both been spoken for”

I am not a martyr…..

I did not dodge any bullets…..

I turned my back on that one true thing I swore I would protect….now what does that make me?

“All this indecision
All this independent strength
Still, we’ve got our hearts on save
We’ve got our hearts on save”

They say “Just because a song is going to end, there is no reason not to love it”

But why do I feel I was the one who destroyed the tape?

“Someday when you’re lonely
Sometime after all this bliss
Somewhere lost in emptiness
I hope you find this gift… “

Left Unsaid..

I know this is a crappy picture I just wish the light was a better  for me to capture the pretty little Cottage with a Yellow door….

Today I went over all my favorite Rod Stewart, Sting, Air Supply songs to kinda get the right one…..

Simply Red got the vote and the band was not even on the bloody list…

I guess what I am trying to say is….I have moments when I say or do the most irrational things, things that are ludicrous…(doesn’t add to my street cred now does it?)……and this is one of them…..

So Not Over You ~ Simply Red

There are Coincidences and then there are “The Coincidences”

(Care to Explain?)

I don’t think I can…..but I will try

“The emptiness when you were gone kept ringing in my head
Told myself I really had to move along now
Stop regretting all the things I left unsaid,”

Dont quote me on this, but I did not have to go half way around the world to find out….what I always knew….

Like a fingerprint the truth cannot be altered or erased…

“So I tore up your letters
Took your picture off my wall
I deleted your number, it was too hard not to call”

It is in the very fabric of existence……

I play it off by saying “It’s just a phase and will soon fade away” (And God knows I wish this was true)

“Felt a little better, told myself I’d be fine
Got to live for the good times up ahead,”

But you see it always catches up ……

All that resolution crumbles at a  sight or a sound….

Restraint falls to pieces over a stupid love song….

“All my friends try to tell me better find somebody new
Why waste time being lonely when there’s nothing left to lose’“

They said Time is a healer, but they weren’t wounds that needed healing…..

They were memories…..

“Anything to get you out of my mind
I’m a fool if I thought I could forget
And I could not forget”

Before you know it you are washed away by the flowing tide and you let yourself drown….

No signal fires, no safety nets…

For all the cautious tales, and the warnings bells….you left them behind….

When I think about it, rationale is not my problem……

It is easier to forget…..but let me tell you how difficult it is – to not remember….

“Cos everywhere I go
There’s a love song that reminds me of you
And even though I knew I had to be strong
I was still not over you
‘Cos I still believe and I could see how there’s nothing left of you and me
That time is over
‘Cos I’m so not over you”

Of Your Peace..

Prayer of St. Francis ~ Sarah McLachlan

I read a statement the other day that said ‘Christianity is not for Loners’…. and I was a bit disappointed, it took me awhile to understand the statement…. but I wondered who made that statement….after much thought I arrived to the conclusion that surely it was not made by a man/ woman who has seen or suffered solitude ……

“Lord make me an instrument of your peace”

Surely it was not said by a prisoner who spends his time praying for forgiveness and mercy……

“Where there is hatred let me sow love”

Surely those words were not spoken by a single mother who asks for strength and grace everyday….

“Where there is injury- pardon”

It could not have been the errant son who repents his erring ways…..

“Where there is doubt- faith”

What about a poor man struggling with a burden of his debts and a family? does he get rejected from following a communal faith?

“Where there is despair-hope”

What is to give hope to a dying man if not for the solace of eternal life?

“Where there is darkness- light”

Not all of us who are lost, are lost because we want to……we are lost because we had no place to go…….but we find sanctuary with the man who is our Shepherd….

“And where there is sadness- joy”

It is reassuring to know that the Shepherd knows his sheep better than the sheep themselves…..

“O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;”

It was encouraging to hear today…..that he tought us how to pray…..he tought us how to ask….he tought us to call him “Our Father”

“to be understood as to understand;”

Faith however cannot be tought but has to be found….

“To be loved as to love”

He did not create religious jargon, Man did…..his message was simple enough….he said “Love one another as I have loved you”

“For it is in giving that we receive”

Society creates Loners…..Man creates outcasts…..

“it is in pardoning that we are pardoned”

We are what he made us, whether we are flawed to perfection or perfectly flawed …..he never did reject us……

So who is (less than perfect) man to say Christianity is not for loners?

“And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
Amen.

Complicated…

Entangled don’t you think?

That is the colour of the sky when it is about to rain…

Kinda like the state of mind right now, don’t you think?

Yes were all bloody emo today and speak to me if you have a problem with that….(That’s what I thought)

For You~ Yim Jae Bum [ 너를 위해 – 임재범]

You know the feeling when your hearts been all ripped out and you feel like the pain is good enough to kill you….

Listening to this song is just as painful……

Why would we want to listen to something like that you ask?

Well because I consider myself one of those sadistic fools who finds pleasure in ripping the skin out of a healing wound…

Because I am lovely like that…..

This man’s voice is raw and aching enough to make me cry…(and that my friend is no bloody exaggeration)

He sings…..“Maybe we are people tangled in a complicated relationship”

Arent we all?…… don’t we all go out and find the worst fit…. that feels right …..but nearly kills us?

“Everyday I am debted to you”…..debts

That darn hope….that same ridiculously foolish hope…..that made us belive in the first place….that darn hope that whispered “It is going to be ok” ………that  same hope that told you the 100ft plunge you were about to take is anything but fatal….

“Debts that are too much for me to pay back”

Am I debted to you because you loved me the most? or am I debted to you because I know that no one else can or ever will?

“Sometimes like a couple”

How strange does that sound? A couple…..

But how right does it feel?

“Sometimes like strangers”

Years go by…..and it feels just like yesterday….

“Can we keep on living like this?”

Yet…..we do….

“Despite countless mistakes and separations”

Yes the countless mistakes…….those countless mistakes…..

“You are still there”

Like an oak tree that stands tall……like an urban legend that has always been heard of……but never seen…..

“I know that you are the only person, who can help me live properly in this world”

Because you right my wrongs and I, yours….

“I, in order to live without regrets should keep you by my side”

Yes I need you close if I don’t want regret in my life…….

“My rough mind and unstable expressions”

But we are like fire and moth,

“And you watching it, That is a love like war”

We will destroy what we build….break what we so painfully fix….

“Because I am dangerous, Because I love you”

Because we destroy…..

Because we destroy everything and everyone around us…..

And because we cannot stop until we have destroyed each other….

“I will leave “

and again today I close shut this story with the familiar tragic end……until next time……

Little Bird…

Are You Alright – Lucinda Williams

Three words you want to ask your friend……

“Are you all right?- All of a sudden you went away ”

Three words you want to say to someone you lost….

“Are you all right?- I hope you come back around someday”

Three words you want to ask someone you miss…..

“Are you all right? – I haven’t seen you in a real long time”

Three words to someone you wish you could see…..

“Are you all right?- Could you give me some kind of sign?”

Three words to describe regret…….

“Are you all right?- I looked around me and you were gone”

Three words to let some know you are worried sick….

“Are you all right?- I feel like there must be something wrong

Three words…..

“Are you all right?
Cause it seems like you disappeared”

Your Fears….
“Are you all right?- Cause I’ve been feeling a little scared”

Words you cannot ask…..

Are you sleeping through the night?
Do you have someone to hold you tight?
Do you have someone to hang out with?
Do you have someone to hug & kiss you?

Your burden…..
“Are you all right?-  Is there something been bothering you?”

Things you wish you knew….

“Are you all right?- I wish you could give me a little clue”

Words you wish you could hear….

“Are you all right?- Is there something you want to say?”

Words that would put your mind to ease….

“Are you all right?- Just tell me that you are ok”

Your disappointment

“Are you all right?- Cause you took off without a word”

Three words….

“Are you all right?- You flew away like a little bird”

Three words that would make it ok…

“Are you all right?-Is there anything I can do?-Are you all right?”

Sometimes the three words you want to hear……

“Are you all right?
Cause I need to hear from U
Are you all right?”

Silent Reverie..

It is Ghost town…..

I won’t be around for awhile to write…….its what they call “Mental Health Time Off” (The irony right?) only this time it is more than that……

I wish to write, I want to write about all of it……but its just not the right time though…..

It’s just not the time…..

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

“Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight”

Fear is hopeless……

The past week I have walked around feeling surreal….about all that has happened…

For first time in days I actually look into the mirror and feel as fragile as I look……

I wish I did not know it…….

It’s feels as if being permitted to lay down the burden today and say “I am tired”

I have imagined a dozen of scenarios with the worst case being true….

It is hard to be positive in times like these……

“So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees”

I think about people who have had it worse…….

how callous and insignificant my pity party seems in contrast…..

People who deal with all the realness in this world….

People who live to have that fighting chance……

People who make it through the day…….everyday….

How dare I complain?…….

“In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here”

Something you should know about Angel Lyrics

Title: Sarah McLachlan – Angel lyrics

Artist: Sarah McLachlan Lyrics

Visitors: 2540 visitors have hited Angel Lyrics since June 03, 2010.
// <![CDATA[
tf_sid = “PMMBs0001”;
tf_artist = “Sarah McLachlan”;
tf_song = “Angel”;
tf_songtitle = tf_song;
document.write(”);
// ]]>

// <![CDATA[
document.write(”);

// ]]>Send “Angel” Ringtone to Cell

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

Amazing Grace…

Bibo no Aozora~ Ryuichi Sakamoto

Been doing a bit of soul-searching lately…..stopping once in a while …. stepping out of my world…….and what I am looking at is not pretty……My reflections for the day book in the past couple of days talks about the cup of life……and how we got to hold it, lift it and eventually drink from it….. joy, sorrow, pain, laughter, hope, despair, highs and the lows, truth, lies, desires, disappointments, the works……… easier said than done…….I found out that I am not even ready to hold my cup yet…….let alone drink from it……I fail to acknowledge its existence…….The existence of something so profound,  at the core of my very faith and belief……..

The first time I saw Babel I think it unnerved me…..I was not moved by it, it frightened me insted……the truth in it was shocking…..Sakamoto’s piece in the end is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time….Tokyo in the last scene is breath taking…..cinema at its finest indeed….

They say there is more to life than just this or that ….Honestly I havent got a clue how to go about it……however maybe getting my priorities right could be a hopeful start?