Of Your Peace..

Prayer of St. Francis ~ Sarah McLachlan

I read a statement the other day that said ‘Christianity is not for Loners’…. and I was a bit disappointed, it took me awhile to understand the statement…. but I wondered who made that statement….after much thought I arrived to the conclusion that surely it was not made by a man/ woman who has seen or suffered solitude ……

“Lord make me an instrument of your peace”

Surely it was not said by a prisoner who spends his time praying for forgiveness and mercy……

Where there is hatred let me sow love”

Surely those words were not spoken by a single mother who asks for strength and grace everyday….

Where there is injury- pardon”

It could not have been the errant son who repents his erring ways…..

“Where there is doubt- faith”

What about a poor man struggling with a burden of his debts and a family? does he get rejected from following a communal faith?

“Where there is despair-hope”

What is to give hope to a dying man if not for the solace of eternal life?

“Where there is darkness- light”

Not all of us who are lost, are lost because we want to……we are lost because we had no place to go…….but we find sanctuary with the man who is our Shepherd….

“And where there is sadness- joy”

It is reassuring to know that the Shepherd knows his sheep better than the sheep themselves…..

“O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;”

It was encouraging to hear today…..that he tought us how to pray…..he tought us how to ask….he tought us to call him “Our Father”

“to be understood as to understand;”

Faith however cannot be tought but has to be found….

“To be loved as to love”

He did not create religious jargon, Man did…..his message was simple enough….he said “Love one another as I have loved you”

“For it is in giving that we receive”

Society creates Loners…..Man creates outcasts…..

“it is in pardoning that we are pardoned”

We are what he made us, whether we are flawed to perfection or perfectly flawed …..he never did reject us……

So who is (less than perfect) man to say Christianity is not for loners?

“And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
Amen.

Silent Reverie..

It is Ghost town…..

I won’t be around for awhile to write…….its what they call “Mental Health Time Off” (The irony right?) only this time it is more than that……

I wish to write, I want to write about all of it……but its just not the right time though…..

It’s just not the time…..

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight”

Fear is hopeless……

The past week I have walked around feeling surreal….about all that has happened…

For first time in days I actually look into the mirror and feel as fragile as I look……

I wish I did not know it…….

It’s feels as if being permitted to lay down the burden today and say “I am tired”

I have imagined a dozen of scenarios with the worst case being true….

It is hard to be positive in times like these……

“So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees”

I think about people who have had it worse…….

how callous and insignificant my pity party seems in contrast…..

People who deal with all the realness in this world….

People who live to have that fighting chance……

People who make it through the day…….everyday….

How dare I complain?…….

“In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here”

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Title: Sarah McLachlan – Angel lyrics

Artist: Sarah McLachlan Lyrics

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Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

It’s been…

Fallen ~ Sarah McLachlan

Out of my mind...
Never had..

No words today…

At least not the kind that make sense…..

I Exist…..

Always trying to find ways……to exit…

Always Unsure….

Unduly with woes….

Woman of little faith….

But Little is all I’ve got…..

Little Hope….

Little Grace…

“Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long-awaited answer
To a long and painful fight”

Confined to a mind that takes no prisoners….

Bound by a tale that breaks no hearts….

“We all begin with good intent”

Little Truths…

Little Kinds…..

“But we carry on our back, the burden”

Blame me not for what I haven’t done….

Wound me not for what I have….

Don’t pelt the dog just cause you can….

Don’t pelt the dog just cause you know you can….

“It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
that I’ve held so dear…”

Little Slow…

Little Woe..

“I’ve nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends”

It is not the yellow brick road that I seek…..nor the Lion, the Straw or the Tin….

Little Care…

Little Tear..

“But it’s one missed step you’ll slip before you know it”

Little Hope….

Little Faith…

Little too many…..

The Woman of little faith…..

Standing on the edge…

I Remember...

Can you alter your memories? Smudge/Erase/Rewrite

I Will Remember You~ Sarah McLachlan

“I’m so tired,I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep”

Remembering  is like being on a ferris wheel…..

When you  rise and fall with and against the force of gravity…..

“We are screaming inside, we can’t be heard

You scream but you cannot hear yourself…..

“I will remember you

Will you remember me?”

I doubt we can Erase/Smudge/Rewrite those memories…..

“Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories”

Lets not weep….for they are but mere memories…..