Soul Vacation..

Alright all this soul baring these  past few days has left me lost for words, again!

Too much serious business….a little change of pace,,,,and a shift in thinking might help….(I doubt it)

Lets talk about opportunities? How about the phrase the world is your oyster?

Drops of Jupiter~ Train

Please forgive me if this turns out into a yet another lengthy talk talk……every word in this song should be spelled out…..like little celebrations….

Out of reach…..or shall we speak of missed steps

“Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s a time to change, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey”

You know that habit you are trying to kick off….but you can’t….because you know you would miss it too much…..

I’ll tell you about mine……….

“But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?”

Putting it right that’s what I called it…..

We will come to that in a bit……

“Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself out there?”

I could recycle the story and tell you its a new one….

Tell you  have not heard this one before….

Well it is the same old song and dance really,

“Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey

I wanted to know what it would be like to be spoken to in old terms……

Gazed at….with the same innocence….

Thought of with the same fervor….

“Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol’ Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land”

Are we all each others demons and angels? is peeking into the future the only way of undoing your past…


“Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you’re wrong?”

Ah the idealistic points of view…..the humbling of a realist,….the break points and the break evens….

“Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?”

A complete circle….

“But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?”

“But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?”

“And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And then you missed me
While you were looking for yourself?”

“And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
And did you fall for a shooting star?
Fall for a shooting star?
And now you’re lonely looking for yourself out there”

Life’s complete circle….

It’s been…

Fallen ~ Sarah McLachlan

Out of my mind...
Never had..

No words today…

At least not the kind that make sense…..

I Exist…..

Always trying to find ways……to exit…

Always Unsure….

Unduly with woes….

Woman of little faith….

But Little is all I’ve got…..

Little Hope….

Little Grace…

“Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long-awaited answer
To a long and painful fight”

Confined to a mind that takes no prisoners….

Bound by a tale that breaks no hearts….

“We all begin with good intent”

Little Truths…

Little Kinds…..

“But we carry on our back, the burden”

Blame me not for what I haven’t done….

Wound me not for what I have….

Don’t pelt the dog just cause you can….

Don’t pelt the dog just cause you know you can….

“It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
that I’ve held so dear…”

Little Slow…

Little Woe..

“I’ve nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends”

It is not the yellow brick road that I seek…..nor the Lion, the Straw or the Tin….

Little Care…

Little Tear..

“But it’s one missed step you’ll slip before you know it”

Little Hope….

Little Faith…

Little too many…..

The Woman of little faith…..

Epiphany….

Today is the feast of the 3 kings…….the 3 wise men who found the little child in the manger……..who followed a star…..and found the saviour……

Little flakes...

I have had this picture for a while……I took this one when it last snowed heavily……I stood on the deserted road without a soul in sight….

I struggled with my camera, snow flakes everywhere…..

I bet if some one saw me that day , definitely would have thought I had lost my marbles….

But this is what life is about capturing little moments like these…… like in a scrap-book…….

Rise ~ Gabrielle

It was a month after I moved to a new university, a new town, met new people……… some of the friends I met there were my housemates, and we have been best of friends since………we were the girls……..the kind who were always there for each other for a chat…..for the 3am tea and toast…….we’ve been through a lot of tissues and pizza sessions together…..boy trouble…….coursework……spending days and nights in the library cramming for exams……..we used to have little rituals for everything,  like when some one broke up…….we would watch chick flicks all night…..order pizza…….drink wine……..and let the victim describe the scene of crime…….and the rest, just like detectives….analyze the case……dissect carefully each move and each word uttered by the accused…… then pledge solidarity to the sisterhood…..and pass the mandatory……”You can do soo much better” “You deserve soo much better” “You are worth soo much more” “He never deserved you babe” comments…….

In one such sessions I remember we all took a walk…….one of my friends sang  “Rise” to me…..she asked me never to forget this song…..and I never did…..

“I know that it’s over
But I can’t believe we’re through
They said that time’s a healer
And I’m better without you”

Time does heal……….no matter how impossible it seems at that moment…………the pain does, go away…..

“Caught up in my thinking, yeah
Like a prisoner in my mind
You pose so many questions
But the truth was hard to find”

Week later you still rewind and play the conversation over and over again in your head……..Denial at first…….but you know…..

You forget to smile…….your girlfriends get you out of bed….force to take a shower and suggest you wear something other than your scruffy PJ’s….they stay up with you when you endlessly ramble about “How happy you guys were” or “How you never saw it coming” “How you wish you guys never met”

“Much time has passed between us
Do you still think of me at all?
My world of broken promises
Now you won’t catch me when I fall”

Eventually you throw away all the evidence from the crime,  all the mix tape CD’s, the poetry and the sweater, the chocolate boxes even though you hate chocolates...

You pick up the pieces and you walk on……..stronger and better……..and you smile at your girl friends gratefully ……the angels who came like firefighters……who pulled you out of the black hole……….wondering why they never ever asked you to shut up…….wondering how much time they sacrificed  hearing the reruns……

“Look at my life
Look at my heart
I have seen them fall apart”

You visit the scene of crime once or twice, but soon you forget to visit……..

I guess it is a girl thing………women bond differently……they may  go “0 to bitch in 60 secs”……..but in emergencies concerning the matters of the heart…….they can arrange for tissues……order pizza……find a bottle of wine…….grab  your favorite chick flick…….all in 60 sec’s…….. thats girlfriends for you…….

“Look at my hopes

Look at my dreams

I’m building bridges from these scenes

Now I’m ready to rise again”

Sideways…

The best thing about great songs is that they somehow change you……they unlock a different world……their expressions and words,  redefining your world….. You discover yourself…..you discover great bands…….brilliant singers, songwriters……. the impressions that some songs leave on you and the feeling that you get when you hear the same song play on the radio or while passing on the streets……I cannot describe that feeling………the feeling and the power of a song…..

I cannot tell you how I felt when Ross played “With or without you”(U2) for Rachel on the radio in an episode of friends (The one with the list)…….

Nor can I explain why I had a lump in my throat when they played  “Are you alright” (Lucinda Williams) in the closing scene of House in the “Fetal Position” episode …..poignantly beautiful…..

Or what it was like to  listen to Rehab (Amy Winehouse) for the first time on the kitchen radio……and wonder how can this girl mix Jazz, Blues and Motown……perfectly in this decade?

“Babe am gonna leave you” (Led Zeppelin) makes me shiver to this day…the misery I felt after hearing that song like something was being torn within….little did I know back then who Led Zeppelin was……..

But they left their impression on me…… before I knew it my life became one big playlist……

Before I lose track of time reminiscing…..lets get down to business……

Sideways~ Citizen Cope

Knocking me sideways...

Easy listening was never this easy…..and trust me when I say…….perfect when the sun sets…….feet up and wind blowing gently on your face….and Citizen Cope makes easy listening just that …….easy…..

“You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me”

He makes a start with a simple strumming of the guitar stings……

There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English”

He falls short of words…..

“Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you”

He is convinced…. I’m telling you…..emphasis on the telling….try tellin someone what they don’t want to hear…

“These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways”

His convictions telling him that they won’t go away….try as he may….. ever had wind-blown out of your chest….like a punch….that leaves you reeling….. I love how the voice raises and the music builds up steadily……

“I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away”
not liking the feeling…..He thinks that in a moment it will all go away……. Time will take it all away…..

“But these feelings won’t go away”…….

It never does….. nothing goes away…..the words….the memories……the laughter……memories of the aftermath…….the grace……the feeling….

You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away