Author: Missing Soundtrack

It’s just a thought…

Differences

There are times when I surprise myself….

and I cannot control what goes through my head…..

Life for Rent- Dido

“I haven’t really ever found a place that I call home….I never stick around quite long enough to make it…”

I find myself running all the time…. I have no idea from what…. Sometimes it stares at me….and I convince myself not to reach out and grab it….

“If My life is for rent….and I don’t learn to buy….

well I deserve nothing more than I get…

cause nothing I own is truly mine…..”

I cannot put my finger on it….. all of my life I have a picture that I think is perfect…..perfect for me…….. but is it?

For once I do not know what I want….. I knew it all along….and now I don’t

“I always thought I’d love to live by the sea…… to travel the world alone….and live life more simply…..I have no idea what’s happening to that dream …..as there is really nothing that is left here to stop me”

What stops me? ME….. like they say I am my worst enemy….. Have I exiled myself? yes…. Have I stopped myself? yes…. Why? I don’t think I can ever explain…

“While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down……” it is not about putting a guard up…. it is about being stubborn….it is about wanting to control what happens so there are no surprises good or bad….. all these preconceived notions that poison what can be conceived….

“While I am so afraid to fail so I won’t even try” can you blame me?

Because nothing I have is truly mine……

“It’s just a thought….only a thought…..“

If I could….

Light

Coffee shops are the best to unwind…. even better to be inspired…..Watching people go by is a sport…. You have to love coffee to know, just how precious- unknown , tucked away in a corner coffee shops are…. and No, I don’t mean Starbucks or Cafe Nero or Costa when I say Coffee and Precious, they never will qualify…..and will never ever come close……

Smell of coffee…. A book……and Lounge Music…..Sweet dreams are made of these (well at least for me)

3 Doors Down is a huge deal for me…..They are The real deal as far as I am concerned…… and they are the first band I ever wanted to see live….My “Things to do before I turn 30” list….. includes attending 3 doors down concert… its sad because am going to be 25 and the chances of seeing them live is somewhat bleak at this stage…….

What can I say about their Music….well you have to hear it to know it…..

If I could be like that – 3 Doors Down

“He spends his nights in california…..watching the stars on the big screen……..then he lies awake and he wonders….why cant this be me?” chasing dreams….. sometimes impossible ones…Who’s to say some dreams are impossible?

“Cause in his life he’s filled with all these good intentions. He’s left a lot of things he’d rather not mention right now”

I have met more than my fair share of good people …… I knew a few who lost their way a few times , but deep down always had a good heart…… How far do we go to get what we want?

“If I could be like that
I’d give anything
Just to live one day
In those shoes.
If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do?”

Are we ready to give anything?…..I guess we have to ask ourselves the question……

“all she wants is just a little piece of this dream, is that too much to ask? ” what is too much? what is the limit? who grants it?
“With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street. All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that’s all she needs” want, need are 2 different things…..

“If I could be like that, what would I do?
What would I do?”

What would you do if you had everything you ever asked for?….. what if we could step into a person’s shoe for a day? would we be wiser? would we be dissapointed?

We all want things or wish for things…. who is to say it is beyond our capabilities?  as kids we are always programmed to have realistic goals.. ….at work we are asked to set realistic targets…..

What is unrealistic then?

Ignorance….

I have lost touch with my mundane routine…..(can I say I have lost touch with reality? hmmm not just yet…)

Coming back feels good…..but it is a bit daunting as well……

It started to snow when I was just about to leave….and the flakes came down beautifully…. just like the ones you see in a snow globe

I wish I could have captured the moment to share….

Antique or just Unwanted?

Ever walked into an antique shop? I love it…… it has a mood about it….. all the things in there old, new, broken, stolen, lost, snatched….I feel have a little story of their own…… makes me wonder tho….why do people give these things away? jewellery…..tables….paintings

I am sure they meant something to someone at some point in time…….it always intrigues me……I have this obsession with the past and the things in the past….

anyways before I drift away again…..lets talk about music….

Lost – Anouk

Her voice literally makes my hair stand….in a good way or a bad way? I still can’t tell …..

I honestly do not know what she is singing about….but I have my own interpretation

This song symbolises a strange hopelessness…a  human incapacity to do something …. she sings about being lost in someone…… lost in the contradiction of character in that person……and her own love and hate towards those contradictions …..

“If the roses are meant to be red…..violets to be blue…….but why isn’t my heart meant for you?” with lines you’d would think can it get any more cheesy?…..

and then

“Lost in this world……I even get lost in this song “ and with those lines she conveys perfectly that emotion of despair…..

I guess the guy was a musician…..as she carries on about his music being irresistable and then she says “Your voice makes my skin crawl” It is left for the listener to decide whether she hates his voice or loves it…… contradiction? I do not know….

She asks “Mr.Inaccessible, will this ever change? one thing that remains the same…..you’re still a picture in a frame”….. I love the way she calls him inaccessible……  she wants something to change but she is convinced there is something that will remain the same..again contradiction…… Does picture in the frame signify a memory?

What should change? why should something remain the same…….

“Lost in this world ……I even get lost in this song” she says,  “Am I the only one?”

After writing this out I just realized how random this post is……I know this doesn’t make sense….but I love the fact it doesn’t…

I want to break away from this constant need I feel to “make sense all the time” to everyone…..and even though I envy people who can…. Sometimes a Little No Sense helps…..

Time’s fool

Just taking a little break (well not really a break…but going away for a couple of days to boot camp) I do not think I will be able to write as much… If there is even a single soul who follows this BLOG -O- Drama once in a while (I do think it will be quite presumptuous of me to assume this blog has any readers at all)….. well thank you for your silent support and the soundtracks will be back shortly…. Until then take care and enjoy the ongoing festivities….

– Missing Soundtrack

Seasons Greetings

The Painting on the wall…

The first painting I bought when I moved out on my own…..

The Unknown Painting

Even to this day I do not know who the artist is….. or what this piece of art is called….. but for me it is a masterpiece…

If you see the coloured picture of this painting you will see around her eyes there is a light tinge of red….. I think she cried herself to sleep….  when I look at this painting  I always wonder…. was she a figment of the artist’s imagination? or was she his muse? why did she cry?…. (I don’t know why I assumed that the artist was a man)

Lets talk about Mums – complex yet the most beautiful creatures God ever created…..

Mine broke down on the phone today….and it broke my heart….hence the post

I like to think I am the extension of my mother….. I know it’s an old cliché to say “I am all that I am because of her”….. but hey isnt life full of clichés?

Wind beneath my wings- Bette Midler

A song that describes what my mom means to me….

“Did you ever know that you’re my hero? your everything I would like to be….I can fly higher than an eagle……because you are the wind beneath my wings“

I never told my mum she is my hero…… I never told her she is everything I wish I could be…… and I am flying higher than an eagle because she is the wind beneath my wings…..

For all the times she was content “To let me shine”…she is that “beautiful face without a name” she has a “beautiful smile to hide the pain“……

For all the times I left her in coldness……but she was my shadow…..and for all the times I couldn’t say a “Sorry” or a “Thank you”…. she walked “A step behind”

It hasn’t gone unnoticed mom….I have it all here in my heart….

“I want you to know I know the truth, Of course I know….I would be nothing without you”

She thought me how to fly…. and it’s her wisdom that got me here…..

“Thank God for you, my wind beneath my wings”



Make it strong..

Rosi Golan- Been a long day…

Been a long day

“It’s been a long day…and all I’ve got to say is make it strong”

As you grow older the more weary you get…..

I am weary… and if I did drink…. I’d say “Make it stong”

“Take a leave of absence, tell me you’ll be gone…..”

“Its been a long day and I just want to hideaway…” ….. thats how I feel….. how can a song tell you how you feel?

“It’s been a long week, I am finally feeling like its ok to break into thousand pieces no one can replace….Only I can find my way”   …… sometimes you just want to give up because the world wont give in…..

“Its been a long year….. and all this mess around me is finally clear….” I worked hard not to give up….

“So can I have a moment?”

Please,  just a moment to catch my breath….

In spite of all the s**t you go through….. you will find when you wake up – that you are mended ……..somehow you are okay….to face another day…..not to be beaten…..but to put up a good fight…..

“It’s been a long year….and I am finally ready to be here…..”


Echo….

“You could be happy I wont know…” ever lost touch with a friend? or have a face in your head that you can’t quite place a name?….. kids you went to school with but never ever saw them again, ever?

You could be happy- Snow Patrol

“Is it too late to remind you how we were….”

I know we can never go back….. hindsight is a wonderful thing they say…..

Madness in my head

It’s just having to pick the phone and calling that long-lost friend…. I dont think I am brave enough to do that…… It’s no excuse I know…

But…

Sometimes things are better left just the way they are…..unsaid…unknown

I like to lock the good memories away in a box and throw away the keys..to keep them intact……I have this foolish notion that once let out they will never be the same…..

“All the things I wish I had not said…..” “are played in loops till it’s madness in my head “

“Most of what I could remember makes me sure….I shouldve stopped you from walking out the door…”

Pride however has a price to pay….

There are a few times when I want to make that call even if it just to say “Hello Stranger”, “I hate the fact we lost touch…..”

“Is it too late to remind you how we were?”

“Dont think just do….“

“Take a glorious bite of the whole world…”

I truly hope you got all that you dreamed of….

“You could be happy.. I hope you are….”

No Name Face…

I must warn you this is not an easy subject to write about…… I will go straight into the soundtrack  just to ease in the subject lightly…..

Way back to sanity?

The first time I heard this song….. It was on the radio…. the person who introduced the song said it was all about introspection and loss….looking back I dont think that introduction did the song justice….I dont think anyone will be able to justice to this song

Breathing by Lifehouse……..

People will agree with me that loss is traumatic… losing someone physically (and emotionally) has a profound impact on who we become….

“Finding my way back to sanity….again, though I dont know what I am going to do when I get there”

Yes you want to move on…… yes everything eventually goes back to being normal….. but what happens when you get there with a void that will never be filled….

“Take a breath and hold on tight….spin around one more time and gracefully fall back on the arms of grace”

It best describes the feelings of  someone sitting beside their  loved one aware of their impending death….. “I am hanging on every word you say and even if you dont want to speak tonight, its alright” he says…..

“I want nothing more than, to sit outside heaven door and listen to you breathing…… this is where I want to be”

What wouldnt people give….. to hear their loved one breathe again…. even if it is for just one moment……

Replaying their voices and conversations over and over again……..

“I’m trying to identify the voices in my head….God, which one is you?”

All the questions enclosed in a why?

Elderly couples married for years and years…. when  he dies ….the only world she has known is gone….

When I look at older couples at church,,,,, I think to myself I want to always see them that way…..together ..not alone…together……thats how I want to remember them forever…. together…..not alone …never alone….

“I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing…. is where I want to be….”

“I dont want a thing from you, bet you ‘re tired of me waiting…for the scraps to fall off your table”

Like the poor who used to wait for the food to fall off from the rich mans table….

Ironic? I think we take too many things for granted in life……

“I just want to be here now”


Dream The Dream….

How do you make a start? ….. a start on something bittersweet….. I am conscious of the fact that this little project of mine is starting to have a very heavy, deep, dark undertone to it….. I could either choose to brighten it up or leave it be…. Actually I dont care what kind of theme or pattern it follows….. All I care about is the picture and the song that mean something to me…..

Coming back to the soundtrack….. I remember the theme was bittersweet…. well let me remind Euston(i.e. blogville) I am no music critic and my taste in music is just “Mine” not out there to be categorized…..for people who stay away from Home….. stay away from everything they have ever known all their life…moving from town to town……. Michael Buble- Home

Dream
Can you hear the people sing?

This song defines home like no other (well at least for me) and I think this man is pure genius mixed with class.

Another summer day has come and gone away….. in Paris and Rome – he simply says “I wanna go home”

He explains how he has it all but yet he misses that one thing- Home…. he knows he is lucky and all…. “Let me go home” he says “I got to go home” , “I wanna come home” “Let me go home”

My favorite part … “And I feel just like am living someone elses life”.……… “It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right”

Another winter day has come and gone away ….even in Paris and Rome…..“But I wanna go home”

Why bittersweet? well people stay away all the time…but realising they miss home and that they want to come home….is a realization worth celebrating…..Like the return of the prodigal’s son…

“Am just too far from where you are”, “You deserve more than that”, these are words for family who endure the ordeal “I know why you could not come away with me, it was not your dream… but you always believed in me” …. the song blends regrets, considerations and realizations beautifully…..

“I’ve had my run, …. I’m done”

The hope in the end “It will all be alright, I’ll be Home tonight, I am coming back home”

Finally the picture, even with my ridiculously pseudo/amateur photographic skills (when I say amateur I am thinking skills of 6-10 yr olds with a camera) ….I think it came out beautifully. Standing outside the theatre where the musical – I sooo badly want to see is running, which happens to be the longest running musicals in the history of west end. I stood there rapt in awe…. The little girl reminded me of my sister and

……………at that moment I was absolutely blown away.