Haunting me

Make Believe

Every time ~ Ethel Cain

Do you ever wish you had an hour of your life to just sit and have a conversation you never had? An hour to hold space for someone to tell their story. Tell that someone you see them in your dreams, that the dream feels so real that you could reach out and touch their face. Their eyes looking back at you like you were lost but two decades were nothing – you are back there on an imaginary bench wanting to finish a conversation that never started. To tell your side of the story, this piece of you that keeps coming back in various shapes of memories. I swear, someone is sitting there watching these two pieces pass by every single time like parallel pendulums, swinging back and forth never stopping in the middle for a minute. Do people really connect subconsciously? Sending morse code to each other’s brains?. Or is it just a story in your head that you tell yourself. What is the mess in your head that you want or feel the need to clean up? Like a borrowed book you forgot to return. You go insane just thinking what is happening to you, why the suppressed memories just bubble up inside you and before you know it they turn into waves crashing over you. You have lost hours by being in your head. It’s 1:00 am and you just want to have that one hour of your life for that one conversation you were never brave enough to have. In the age of where communication is instant, you write a paragraph hoping someone will trip over and find it. Are we allowed to feel these strong feelings for no rhyme or reason? Melancholy is a bi*tch!. Beautiful, broken and just as bad.

Little Black Clouds….

Maybe Tomorrow ~ Stereophonics

Been Inside of Out..
Been Inside of Out..

I have forgotten to switch the lights on this evening..

Sitting in the dark……I contemplate reading a book….

“I’ve been down and
I’m wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me”

As years roll on…..I have found that I am less likely to make up my mind…..

I am in love with the concept of  uncertainty,,,,

Make em plans and also break em…..

The fewer plans I make fewer the chances of me breaking em…..

“It wastes time
And I’d rather be high
Think I’ll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free”

Not wearing my heart on my sleeve this time around……

Birthday cards I forgot to post……

Anniversaries I missed…..

I wrap regret in a little box and tie up the ribbon…..

“I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upper side of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe”

It’s colder under water…….

I draw the shades and stop for a minute…..

Stop to think how will I make up for the time lost?

What would I do if I ever find myself staring at the dark specks of brown in those chilled eyes…….

Will I fumble and falter?

Succumbing to the truth….

And I wonder…….

“I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me”

What use is an outdated flashback to me?

A worthless parasite eating away my sanity…..

Some bridges are worth burning…..

Thoughts best hidden…..

Words left unspoken…..

“So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home”

Today…..

Today I am yours sweet melancholy…..