The Big Picture……

Attention to detail…… people keep throwing these words around…… does my head in…….

I am a completer finisher I should know what an obsession detail can be sometimes………

Just finished watching Good will hunting…….. lost count how many times I have watched that film…..and it still has the ability to blow my mind without fail……..Not to mention the huge crush I had on Matt Damon for years.

Genius….. Every bit of it…… from story to screenplay….Dialougues …… It is hard to imagine what inspired Matt and Ben to write the film….. For a commoner like me….whose writing abilities which fall just below standard and an imagination that is truly mediocre Ehem lets not even go to grammar…..cause the grammar police are out to get me……… These guys hit a gold mine……

Well anyways where was I – attention to detail and the bigger picture………

In world where the goal post is moved ever soo often it is hard to catch up….especially for a reflector like me….. It takes a bit more than the usual time to process things…..

I wish I was razor-sharp and pretty clued up on all the requisites……

Duck! Quickly!

Song Song Song…….find a Song……

Apologies ~ Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

“Yesterday he said my eyes
Were fading fast away
I said well what do you expect”

I find it hard to convince people…..to make them see the disaster waiting to strike down the road ahead like I do….

Be more assertive, a voice screams in my head……

Be more assertive….. Tell people what you really think…..

Tell people what you think…..

“Yesterday he looked at me
With a tear in his eye and said,
“I’ll always tell you you’re my friend
I hope I don’t have to lie
Cause it’s clear you love another man”
And I said, “You’re damn right”

An alarm button goes off in my head…….. It is like an intuition about something bad waiting to happen…… and I hit the brakes….every single time…..it is not about feasibility…… it is not about the ability…  It is about knowing myself too well…… knowing the fit all to well….

I am a reflector…..I am a complete finisher why? because that is who I am…..

And who I am has everything to do with the choices I make…….

“Cause I don’t wanna fight this war”

Bang Bang….

23:57 pm

Bang Bang ~ Nancy Sinatra

Shot me down...

Are my ears ringing?

I guess not….

It is just the sound of fireworks……

00:00 am

“Bang, Bang……..”

“Seasons came and changed the time….” I grew up…. I did

“Bang, Bang………”

“That awful sound…..” Time passing me by……

“Bang, Bang………”

“I hit the ground….” remember when we used to play….

“Bang, Bang………”

“You shot me down……” am still standing……..

“Bang, Bang………”

“Music played and people sang…” bang …..bang……. rejoice it is just another day……

“Bang, Bang………”

Bang Bang…..the song is on replay for the nth time……

00:10 am

“Bang, Bang………”

That awful sound……

“Bang, Bang………”

It is just another day…….. time is taking no prisoners……this time around……..

“Bang, Bang………”

“I don’t know why”

Don’t shoot me down……..

“Bang, Bang………”

“Till this day”  ………. “I don’t know why”

It is just another day……

“That awful sound”

“Bang, Bang………”

00:19 am Bang Bang ~ Nancy Sinatra on repeat…..

“Bang, Bang………”

“My baby shot me down…….”


Sideways…

The best thing about great songs is that they somehow change you……they unlock a different world……their expressions and words,  redefining your world….. You discover yourself…..you discover great bands…….brilliant singers, songwriters……. the impressions that some songs leave on you and the feeling that you get when you hear the same song play on the radio or while passing on the streets……I cannot describe that feeling………the feeling and the power of a song…..

I cannot tell you how I felt when Ross played “With or without you”(U2) for Rachel on the radio in an episode of friends (The one with the list)…….

Nor can I explain why I had a lump in my throat when they played  “Are you alright” (Lucinda Williams) in the closing scene of House in the “Fetal Position” episode …..poignantly beautiful…..

Or what it was like to  listen to Rehab (Amy Winehouse) for the first time on the kitchen radio……and wonder how can this girl mix Jazz, Blues and Motown……perfectly in this decade?

“Babe am gonna leave you” (Led Zeppelin) makes me shiver to this day…the misery I felt after hearing that song like something was being torn within….little did I know back then who Led Zeppelin was……..

But they left their impression on me…… before I knew it my life became one big playlist……

Before I lose track of time reminiscing…..lets get down to business……

Sideways~ Citizen Cope

Knocking me sideways...

Easy listening was never this easy…..and trust me when I say…….perfect when the sun sets…….feet up and wind blowing gently on your face….and Citizen Cope makes easy listening just that …….easy…..

“You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me”

He makes a start with a simple strumming of the guitar stings……

“There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English”

He falls short of words…..

“Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you”

He is convinced…. I’m telling you…..emphasis on the telling….try tellin someone what they don’t want to hear…

“These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways”

His convictions telling him that they won’t go away….try as he may….. ever had wind-blown out of your chest….like a punch….that leaves you reeling….. I love how the voice raises and the music builds up steadily……

“I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away” not liking the feeling…..He thinks that in a moment it will all go away……. Time will take it all away…..

“But these feelings won’t go away”…….

It never does….. nothing goes away…..the words….the memories……the laughter……memories of the aftermath…….the grace……the feeling….

You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away

The Other Side….

“Over the sea and far away
She’s waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she’s cold inside
She wants to be like the water”

Other side of the world ~ KT Tunstall

You are the other side of the world

I cannot say how dear this song is to me…… and how it resounds in the emptiness of my head……. I have to add brilliant music video

“The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses”

Just a slipping away kind of feeling

It is really hard to say “I wish it was simple” because it never really is…. it never really is that  simple…

And we do give up just as easily like she says

“You’re close enough to see that”

Somethings are just not worth all the chaos

Can you help me? she asks, “Can you let me go?”

The endless suffocation

The fire does fade

Sparks do fizzle out

But sure we do give up easily

There will always be a difference between chalk and cheese

The sun cannot shine all through the sphere at the same time

“I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You’re close enough to see that……….

You’re the other side of the world

To me…”

Better Days….

Eh… I just read a couple of my past posts……wow it sure is filled a lot with some kind of angst…….Trust me when I say I do not have Anger Issues ….and it is not always Me against the big bad world…..not always……ok maybe sometimes……..

I think we will drive away all the misery & melancholy for a bit today…….. why? well just because the world is not always that dreadful….

Which makes me want to make this post a bit brighter?

Pocketful of Sunshine ~ Natasha Bedingfield

Ok it is a bit poppy n upbeat……but honestly it has this feel good factor about it…. the kind that puts a smile on your face….

Pretty Pretty

“There’s this place that I go
Where nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there’s no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
There’s only butterflies”

Escapism …….. your escape to the place in your head……your secret hideaway……..

“Do what you want,
But you never gonna break me,
Sticks an’ stones are never gonna shake me”

When you are in your zone…… when you are comfortable in your own skin…..

“I got a pocket,
Got a pocket full of sunshine”

When you can smile at strangers…..when you can try on pretty shoes all day with your best friend ….

“Take me away,
To better days “

When strangers smile at you….when you eat like there is no tomorrow ….later on when you wish you had not gone for ice cream….

“The sun’s on my side
Take me for a ride
I smile up to the sky

I know I’ll be alright”

No Solution…

Hmm Goo Goo Dolls, someone asked the question the other day “Where are they?”

I do not know where this band has disappeared to….

But here is one of their most underrated songs……. I know people go “Oh Iris is a classic” but honestly this song does it for me……

Here is gone ~ Goo Goo Dolls

“I got my defenses , when it comes to your intentions to me”

I cannot inflate ego’s …….people call it my weakness…..but I say its one of my strengths……..I am not sold easily sorry….Incessant unessasary flattery is not my cup of tea…..nor does it work on me

“I’m not the one who broke you, I’m not the one you should fear”

I know its out there

Respect for strangers or people I barely know doesn’t come easy for me…. (except people over a certain age group)….You have to earn it….to get it…..being civil doesn’t mean I respect…..

“And I won’t tempt to be , all you need”

Generalization…..Biased opinions……Narrow outlook….

“And I was not the answer so forget ,if you ever thought it was me”

After having looked down on me or people like me……do not ever expect to be “looked up to”…

“I am no solution, to this sound of dispollution in me”

One word Humility

It will take you a long way……

A Please or A Thank you or A Sorry will not make you any less of a person….

“Somehow here is gone……..”

Designs….

The more I learn

Quote: “You cannot run away from weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?”

Robert Louise Stevenson

Instincts…… Survival………Battle…….

Try~ Nelly Furtado

I used to listen to Nelly quite a lot, I liked her better when she had an accent and sang remarkable songs…… I somehow feel the spunk is now diluted in her recent music……The folksy, rural trademark has been commercialised….

“All I know is everything is not as it is sold……but the more I grow the less I know……and I have lived so many lives though I am not old……and the more I see the less I grow……..the fewer the seeds the more I sow” Lyrical Poetry

I like to think each incident in our lives moulds us…..it is like a chisel working on a stone…..each hit adds character…..but we are not aware of what we are intended to be…… will the stone end up on a sidewalk to be tread upon or will the stone adorn a living room as a cherished mantle piece…

“I wish I hadn’t seen all of the realness……and all the real people are really not real at all…..the more I learn the more I learn…..the more I cry the more I cry…..as I say goodbye to the way of life I thought I had designed for me”

We cannot help what we go through, but we can help what we become…..

Will we stick out on that sidewalk and make people trip?…… will we remain scarred and ruin the setting on the mantle?

There are no rights or wrongs……there are choices……

“All of the things we want each other to be, we never will be“

“I’m all I’ll ever be,

But all I can do is try,

Try”


Calmed Storms….

It was Christmas , the time to celebrate hope and light…..

Light & Hope

Everything by Lifehouse

I heard everything a long time ago……. and it is one of the most powerful pieces of alternate rock I have come across in my time…..

Call it coincidence…. I discovered today that apparently the song was about Jesus…..

A solemn start……and Jason’s voice gets me every time I hear it…

“Find me here…..and speak to me…….”

We all search for answers….attempting to find the meaning……… looking for a little sign that will liberate us……

“You are the light…..That is leading me….to the place where I find peace…….again”

I have known darkness just like any other person beside me……

I used to think we were his projects…….the one he is trying to fix……..

Times I used to believe he had given up on us…….abandoned us…….because we were beyond repair…..and we had ruined our chances

But you see the truth is I always knew he never gave up…

I did……

I learnt it the hard way…….that his ways were beyond the comprehension of my human mind……

“You are the strenght….that keeps me walking….You are the hope that keeps me trusting….You are my purpose…..You are everything”

If it weren’t for the shreds of hope left in us…..we would never convince ourselves to wake up everyday….

If it weren’t for our hope to see a better day……

If it weren’t for our hope…….

The hope to see light at the end of the tunnel……

“You calm the storms……and you give me rest…….You hold me in your hands…..you wont let me fold……You still my heart and You take my breath away”

How do we find ourselves still standing? How do we go through the toughest of times and come out unscathed?

“And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?”

There is a quote I don’t remember where it is from “God made faith, man made religion”

You maybe a believer or a non-believer……maybe you will meet him or maybe you wont….

Whether you choose to acknowledge or deny……

There is light at the end of the tunnel…..

“Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?“

Bubble wrap….

“Drink up baby down, are you in or are you out?

Leave your things behind, cause’ it’s all going off without you

Excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy,

These mishaps you bubble wrap

when you have no idea what you are like”

Let Go- Frou Frou

You can't await your own arrival!

I first heard this song in a movie called Garden State which was a brilliant film…. and the lyrics made me go WTF? but the tune was catchy…….

And you play it on repeat for hours and it becomes the song in your head… the haunting tone first and then the random lyrics totally blow you…

I play this song when I have to grit my teeth or bite the bullet… when I cannot afford to let things bring me down….swallow my pride…..and shake it off……

These days I can hardly spare time to wallow let alone indulge in aligning my brain waves….

How pretentious have we become?

Soo straightlaced….soo politically correct……soo aye aye captain….

what about speaking your mind? Well I know for a fact I don’t…..speak my mind that is….. I believe the dictionary has a coined word for it…..

It is exciting to swim against the stream…..refreshing to walk  the opposite direction…….

I am not talking about breaking loose and having no rules to live by……. that is anarchy……

I am talking about the world we have created consisting of these false pretenses, strange  notions of control, decadent ,and almost unnecessary boundaries…. that limit people…..

I find all these structures….controls and protocols a bit too much for my liking…. and I am starting to feel it scrape my skin slowly…..

“Let go…….There is beauty in breakdown…….”

Quote…

I remember when I was young I saw a notebook filled with my mother’s writings….. I was much too young to know what it was …… but something tells me it was filled with quotes….. what kind I do not know….  wish I knew what happened to that notebook…..

You have to love quotes….. there are loads of vague ones in my head from the telly, books, movies ….. but there is one by John Steinbeck which goes “What a frightening thing is the human, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can only read a few and those perhaps not accurately” …. I confess I cannot read people….  It took me good number of years to realise that…..

The Human

People either love Coldplay or hate them….. and then there are the other kind….. people like me who can’t quite place them…

Trouble by Coldplay

” I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm”

Impressions…. Interpretations…… Cycles…. Phases…….  Complexities…… Complications…..

“O no, I see,
I spun a web, it’s tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said”

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to get this song… and thats what I like about it….. Its simplicity & honesty…..

A bubble bath and some retrospection…….. and this song in the background…..

“They spun a web for me……”