Tag: Dreams

House of boxes

A box full of dreams

To Build A Home ~ The Cinematic Orchestra, Patrick Watson

I have felt a lot of things in my life, confidence was my least favourite feeling! I still don’t like it , I don’t feel good about it. Hate feeling confident in the fear that I might one day become overconfident and then people may finally see through me , this scared little fake ass suffering from imposter syndrome. Why not just keep quiet? “Don’t speak up! Why do people need to know what you think? What makes you think they care? Sit down lady and let the man or woman speak! Your idea is mediocre. Stop you are just speaking nonsense now! Why waste time with your thoughts? Move on you ain’t got this! This is way out of your lane! Stay in your lane for Pete sakes. You have nothing nothing to offer….” [now that’s just a small snippet of what goes through my head in a matter of few seconds] Fun-noe?”

I have boxes at the bottom of my bed with little art projects started and not finished. I have little books with little writings in them. Cut outs of interesting patterns! Raging Fires of creativity sloppily tucked away. Out of nowhere come these waves of inspirations where I get swept away , build a castle in the air and crash it with a good dose of reality. “Hush now, quiet! I need to go to work on Monday no time for dreaming. B*tch you got bills to pay, you cannot afford dreams. You are lucky you have a job that pays, be grateful!”

This song is that rush, the crescendo and the calm… just for now let me sit on it! Until next time. I will be seeing you around, kid.

Slow Down..

Baker Lake ~ Sera Cahoone

Beautiful that all I have to say for it…

Makes you want to fall in a daze and float away on a boat  under a starry night…

I have nothing to say today….nothing worthwhile at least..

No journey to take you on…..

No walks down the memory lane….

Silence is forgiving….for once…

” Slow down honey I can’t,
Seen this before and I know what’s about to break you
There’s a light in your eyes that’s burning slow
The look on your face has been that way for days oh I don’t know why.
Everyone’s saying the best is already gone
But I know what we got coming ’round.
The days are alive and filled up with changes
It’s only half of what we got coming ’round”


The Key..

Key to My Heart ~ Jessica Jarrell

Rarely do I sit up and take notice of the new kids on the block, ones who can sing…..

But when I heard this song in the movie (The Back Plan)…..I honestly searched all around trying to find out who sang it…..I was surprised to find out it was a 15-year-old who sang it…..more than the vocals I think what impressed me most was the emotions she put into it……it sounded as if she was being effortlessly earnest about what she sang,,

“Boy you put me on the spot I don’t know what to say
But I’m trying anyway
Like my hearts gonna drop
My mind drifts away and I can’t control the pains”

Blessed are people who can let themselves fall unconditionally…….because they know not what it feels like to have a constricted heart .

“Words are spinning in my head
Don’t know why I’m holding back
I should just tell you how I’m feeling”

Blessed are people who can say exactly what they think…….because they will never know how it hurts to hold back.

“The more I brush it off
Tell myself it’s nothing at all
Deeper I fall”

Blessed are people who can let go with no strings attached….because they will never know how hard it is to hold on.

“And I imagine everyday
A thousand different ways
How you respond to what I say”

Happy are they who can let their dreams come true………because they will never have to wonder why they never did.

“Am I getting lost in my dreams?
Are you unreachable to me?
Cause these butterflies just won’t go away”

Blessed are they who can relish each moment of the feeling……..because they will never know what it feels like to fear it.

“But I don’t wanna act a fool
Don’t wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don’t know what you gonna do”

But most of all blessed are they who believe in it……..because they will never have to feel cut up for being a non believer.

So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I’m feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart”

Mad World…

Mad World~ Gary Jules

I don’t follow the news (******GASPS***** )…Ever!…..Yes, I am not familiar with the current world affairs and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is not that I don’t wish to familiarise myself with subjects such as the world economy, infinite crisis plaguing countries left and right, political power play, technological breakthrough, the sleaze and breeze of the rich and famous I just don’t find the need to. Go ahead and judge me call me an ignorant little blank  but that is the truth.

“All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow”

Why? why would I want to know about the thousands of galleons of oil spluttering  across the mexican gulf coast? why do I want to know Bill Gates is now the 2nd not the 1st wealthiest man in the world? I don’t want to know which way the easterly winds are going to blow tonight and I definitely do not want to know about the japanese restaurant in Hong kong that has dancing robots serving Sabu Sabu.

“And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World”

I am a cynic, that is my one and only problem.  It is always the numbers, the millions and the billions, deaths canvassed as mere statistics, countries ranked high and low, nature raped and celebrated, the elderly sucked out of their living souls, children ruined of their innocence, animals either slaughtered or inducted to the ‘to be’, ‘already’ endangered, extinct list, civil wars raging in God forsaken countries or the % of people living below the poverty line, everyday the papers splash out lines that grab readers with alleged  ‘Grave Issues’ and ‘Sordid Affairs’ both in the same tone.  I am a cynic at least I make an excuse to be, justified or not, I choose to be isolated,  unaware of all this circus, and my opinions are my own, like a cross to be carried. End of the day I don’t care about how many thousand galleons of oil is going to leak or has leaked into the gulf  , or how crap their initial estimation of the damn fiasco was. All I want to know is how will someone plug the leak NOT TRY or GUESS but HOW and WHEN, not MAYBE or COULD BE I want to know about the WILL BE. I don’t give a toss about the experts sitting on their high horses suggesting and over analysing for the queen of england, I want to know WHO will? HOW will they? and by WHEN will they?… but hey who am I to ask? I am the bottom dweller who does not read the news remember?


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Demons in my Dreams~ Brian McFadden

Remember those dreams where you want to reach out …..but you can’t……you are frozen, you find yourself struggling……unable to move…..unable to wake up……

Dreams…..recurring dreams……..random dreams……..fuller dreams….colder dreams……

“I search my world but I can’t find you”

Recurring dreams….like losing my sister over and over again……losing her in the crowds……losing her while riding on a bicycle……..

“Youre standing there but I can’t touch you”

Recurring dreams…..like watching my mum sitting on a table……..on the same table……watching her always….

“Try to talk but the words are just not there”

Recurring Dreams…..like walking into an unknown wedding….and leaving right in the middle…..alway at the same moment……

“I can feel a sense of danger”

Recurring Dreams……like seeing my Grandma alive and watching her funeral the next moment……over and over again……..

“You stare at me like I’m a stranger”

Vague Dreams………..like building a grotto with a stranger……..

“Paralyzed and you don’t seem to care”

True Dreams……….like the ones feel so surreal that you can’t tell if you are dreaming or wide awake……..because you remember every single detail……like lines on a hand…..the table cloth pattern….the little porcelain figurines….crossings on the street

Forgotten Dreams……..like the ones you so desperately want to remember, but you are left with fragments that no longer fit….

“I search my world but I can’t find you

Youre standing there but I can’t touch you

Try to talk but the words are just not there

I can feel a sense of danger

You stare at me like I’m a stranger

Paralyzed and you don’t seem to care

The demons in my dreams”