The Lake

I have this fascination with lakes…..

They remind of life that is pure, dreamy and whimsical……….

The Swan Lake ~ Tchaikovsky

My personal favorite….

A Masterpiece in my books……

This piece is so beautiful that it brings out the child in me… Powerful music nonetheless……and I never get tired of it…

As a child I remember having a key ring which had a tiny music box attached to it…I don’t remember the tune on it….but I know I loved it……it belonged to my Aunt……I bet she doesn’t remember ever having one…

You could turn the little copper key and it made a beautiful sound that would fascinate this child for hours….How I wish I could remember the tune …..I hate and regret the fact I lost something, that I know now I would have cherished……A piece of my childhood ……. fragment of my memory…….

I still collect music boxes…..as an act of repentance……I have a couple…. and I know I could never trade them for anything in this world….

My friend sent her mum something like a music box….. I remember the tune distinctly it had the swan lake on it……. it was beautiful…………how badly I wished I had it…..

I have searched in vain for that swan lake music box……..yet to find one….

I still walk around market places searching quaint little second-hand shops in the hope that one day I will find a swan lake music box ….

One day……..

Ordinary…

Subjective?

Is ordinary subject to perception?

I feel ordinary…..

Nothing to offer…….

Ordinary People ~ John Legend

I struggle with the word – “More”

The more I write about my mundane life…. the more I get comfortable with it……

It feels as if I have sterilized myself of all attachments and emotions……

Once upon a time I thought I had soo much to give to the world…..

Today I am just an incapacitated individual who thinks it is OK to excuse herself of all her self-centered behaviour in the name of self-preservation…..

I have come to realize I chose to be this way…..

I always chose not to give……

Don’t ask me why………I cannot fix it………..

“We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go”

No Denying..

I am slacking….

But something amazing has happened to me…..

Polaroids!

More like surrogates of the classic Polaroids…..

Honestly I havent stopped since…..

Polaroid this…..Polaroid that……

It’s Too Late ~ Carole King

It is an obsession now…..

I sure hope I don’t fall out of it…

“Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There’s something wrong here, there can be no denying
One of us is changing
Or maybe we just stopped trying”

I have to pick myself off the couch and start scrubbing the floors…..

This strange inertia that has blanketed me has to be thrown off…..

Enough with the wallowing already!

“It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool”

I wish I could put a portfolio together with all the pictures I have taken so far…….

Faux Polaroids strewn across a messy desk……….paper clips……..keys…….coffee mug that desperately needs a refill

My own memory museum…….

Someday……..

“But it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can’t hide
And I just can’t fake it”

And It’s Contagious….

Us ~ Regina Spektor

Imagine a film roll just running continuously in front of you without stopping, random images rolling in a restless pattern, like someone hit a fast forward button on the running print………500 Days Of Summer……..I don’t know how I feel about the rest of the soundtrack of this movie but this one is an absolute delight…….a Mad rush…….I cannot explain.

Auto Pilot Mode -Check ¦ Random Musings – Check ¦ Undone hair – Check ¦Sleep Deprived – Check ¦ Non Stop Brain activity- Check ¦ Smudged Nail Polish- Check ¦Mad Song with Violins and crazy vocals – Double Check

“We’re living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We’re living in a den of thieves
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious”

Mere Mortals….

Diamonds are Forever ~Shirley Bassey

My Mum took me jewelry shopping a few months ago…..

She asked me if I would like a diamond ring……..

Naively I answered “Ma, I don’t want to jinx it…….I’d rather a guy buy me my first diamond ring” (WHAT?? …..r*e*w*i*n*d…….WHAT??………………..because I am worth it like that???? again …HUH????)

Seriously what was I thinking? Where did that come from??

Such a cringe worthy statement from me…..

Unbelievable……

Makes me want to bite my tongue in retrospect….

And Hello!! I have been singing Shirley’s anthem……like forever now………….

“Diamonds are forever”, ……sings Dame Bassey……I did not forget it Miss. Bassey….

“They are all I need to please me” roger that……..

We are a weird lot……

Us women……programmed to love shiny sparkly things from childhood……

Rock those rocks like that…..bling this bling that….

“They won’t leave in the night,
I’ve no fear that they might desert me”

True that sista!

Ok I have a headache and I am too tired to remove the cobwebs in my brain tonight….

I love this song……

It speaks to me……..(and I am sure it speaks to the other 3 billion women on the planet…..)

“Diamonds are forever” Trufax……Trufax…..

“I can see every part,
Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me”

Like this song is about men…..but not really……..Its about diamonds….

I don’t care how Mrs. Jay Z crooned about single women and putting a ring on it…..

Let me just tell her……”Honey…….He put a ring on it……please for Pete sake……Girl don’t sing like you know ….You aint single no more…”…..No offense B……honestly he did put a planet on your finger……

Miss Bassey rules as far as the Diamonds department is concerned…..even Kanye agrees…..

Makes me wonder though what happens to the diamond rings when women die? I don’t mean that in crass heartless way……..

I want to know…….all those Diamond rings…..what happens to them? are they recycled? or become hand downs?

I need to know….

Cause I am not looking to have one from tiffany’s………lets just say A*N*T*I*Q*U*E is the word I am looking for…..

(Hey a girl can dream…….let her!)

“Diamonds are forever,
Sparkling round my little finger.
Unlike men, the diamonds linger;
Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for”

Truest words ……….I want to increase the font size on the last 2 lines………….

“Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for”

I guess…..that is enough for today…….

To end in a very grand fashion………hell with all the cuts……princesss, emerald, carats or carrots……………

For the record I don’t really care………..

“I don’t need love,
For what good will love do me?
Diamonds never lie to me,
For when love’s gone,
They’ll luster on.”

Little Things…

Ever believe in Magic?

For me everything is magical…….

Cherry Blossoms……Spring…….

Fog……

Young Couples in Love….Snow Globes…….

Holding Hands…..

Music on the radio………..Pictures…….

My favorite are the little musical moments in movies where people just walking by stop and break into a song……

Little Things ~ Colbie Caillat

“The little things, you do to me are
taking me over, I wanna show ya
everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating”

Of late, while walking home from work……the pavements are littered with white cherry blossoms…..

I love walking by them…….I imagine them being laid out just for me……….

Makes me want to start singing “Would’nt it be Loverly” just like Audrey in My fair Lady (Seems a bit far-fetched doesn’t it?……A dream sequence maybe?)……..

Any moment now I expect people around me to start singing just like that movie……

Got to be my favorite musical movie moment of all times……

I know it is crazy……and I know it doesn’t make any sense……

But it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy…….

I wish to witness a real life musical moment,,,,,,watch a flash mob of some sort……

Where crowds of people on a busy street break in to a random song (the one I recognise I hope)…..

Just stand there in awe and surprise…..

Feeling the magic……

A real life musical moment………

“My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, Get your attention
before you pass me by”

Someone you met..

They say let the sleeping dog lie….

But I have this habit of disturbing the tranquility of still waters…..

Trouble for a middle name……

Unwilling I penned the lines that will unleash chaos…..atleast my own……

Separate Lives ~ Phil Collins Feat* Marilyn Martin

I hear the train pass by…..

The feeble tremor shakes my lampshade……

I recall the montage……

I shiver at the thought….

“You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room”

There seems to be no end to my foolishness…..

Yes I missed a step and yes I tripped….

My head in my hands…..

I wait to pay for my mistake……

Then I remember I am just Human…..

“You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on, holding on to ties
So for now we’ll going on living separate lives”

Little Black Clouds….

Maybe Tomorrow ~ Stereophonics

I have forgotten to switch the lights on this evening..

Sitting in the dark……I contemplate reading a book….

“I’ve been down and
I’m wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me”

As years roll on…..I have found that I am less likely to make up my mind…..

I am in love with the concept of uncertainty,,,,

Make em plans and also break em…..

The fewer plans I make fewer the chances of me breaking em…..

“It wastes time
And I’d rather be high
Think I’ll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free”

Not wearing my heart on my sleeve this time around……

Birthday cards I forgot to post……

Anniversaries I missed…..

I wrap regret in a little box and tie up the ribbon…..

“I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upper side of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe”

It’s colder under water…….

I draw the shades and stop for a minute…..

Stop to think how will I make up for the time lost?

What would I do if I ever find myself staring at the dark specks of brown in those chilled eyes…….

Will I fumble and falter?

Succumbing to the truth….

And I wonder…….

“I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me”

What use is an outdated flashback to me?

A worthless parasite eating away my sanity…..

Some bridges are worth burning…..

Thoughts best hidden…..

Words left unspoken…..

“So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home”

Today…..

Today I am yours sweet melancholy…..

Memory of it fades….

The Game…..

Shape ~ Sugarbabes Feat Sting

Ok the original is far more beautiful than this……

Sting kills it in his own awesome way…..

Clarity

I can sit through hours just to finish a piece of work…….

But I cannot be alone for a minute with these voices in my head……

I cannot make peace with the tumultuous awakenings…

“I’ve always played it safe nothing’s ever safe
Give me the courage to back my own convictions
Every decision I make I pay it back and more”

I am too tired to wave the white flag…..

Too tired to make that mental space…..

Space within this emotional clutter….

A breathing space…..

“Now turn the cards and let them fall to me
Cos I don’t need to play on with the hand that they have given me
I’ll give it back cos it’s not the way it has to be”

Dreams invaded by unsolved mysteries…..

Like messages in a bottle…..

Reach out and watch them fade……

Like waves crashing close a moment….but disappear the next…..

“And you can easily gamble your life away
Second after second
And day by day
You play the game or you walk away
It’s a new turn on a blue day
And a cool deal of life for me
And it’s all good”

On my knees I pray to find salvation…..

Asleep I pray for peace…..

Awake I pray for uninterrupted sleep….

Clubs are the weapons of war.... — Swords of a soldier....

“I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier,
I know that the clubs are weapons of war,
I know that diamonds mean money for this art,
But that’s not the shape of my heart”

Misplaced Mistakes….

I just realised its been 4 months since I finished a book…..

That is so unlike me…..

I start a book and let it go half way……

I remember my mum screaming at me all the time for bringing my book to the dinner table…..

We dont know.... — I don't believe it's a failing.....

This is not about finding the time…..

I don’t know what this is about….

And I fear to find out exactly what or why?…..

All Time Love ~ Will Young

Anxiety ……

Good or Bad?

“Sometimes you walk by the good ones
‘Cos you’re trying to hard, too hard to see them
And sometimes you don’t find the right lines
‘Cos you’re trying too hard, too hard to hear them”
It’s starvation of this mortal soul……

Like losing your way in a maze…

Facing your internal demons….

I am searching for the faith I fail to find in myself….

Failure frightens the day light out of me….

“Let go”…..I scream…..

“Some days you’re too set in your ways
And you forget to shut up, shut up and listen
And some days you just have to misplace all your mistakes
Somewhere that you won’t miss them
So stop lying that you’re fine”

I fail to see my purpose…..

The Purpose of being….

My internal voice lost in the humdrum of untouched lives….

“I don’t believe that it’s a failing
I don’t believe that it’s a fault
‘Cos if everything were plain sailing
Oh tell me what would there be left to exalt”

Lost just to be found….

Break just to be fixed,,,,,

Breathe just to be alive….

Hold on just to let go…..

” ‘Cause you’re like me
And you won’t give up”

Believe…..

“Till an all time love
‘Cause nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love
To find me…”

“We’re just ordinary people We don’t know which way to go”

“We’re living in a den of thieves Rummaging for answers in the pages We’re living in a den of thieves And it’s contagious And it’s contagious And it’s contagious And it’s contagious”

“Men are mere mortals who Are not worth going to your grave for”

“I don’t need love, For what good will love do me? Diamonds never lie to me, For when love’s gone, They’ll luster on.”

“You have no right to ask me how I feel You have no right to speak to me so kind We can’t go on, holding on to ties So for now we’ll going on living separate lives”

“I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier, I know that the clubs are weapons of war, I know that diamonds mean money for this art, But that’s not the shape of my heart”

“Till an all time love ‘Cause nothing else is good enough I want an all time love To find me…”