I have memories of this song….some good and some bad… but this song never makes me bitter……personally I think the emotion conveyed in this song is quite spiteful……but thats just me, am sure people would like to disagree with me on this one. Being the sad twisted person that I am………
Keep everything and everyone an arm’s length away……..always……..
Thats me……….thats what I do……thats what I always have done………..Non-Chalant…..people oversee this disgraceful quality in me….
While we are on the topic of drawbacks….my biggest drawback (other than being a cold-hearted b**** that is….) is that I am not a control freak just the complete opposite of it really…….and the last time I checked this was NOT the most appealing trait to have as a girl………lucky for me right? (Note the sarcasm)…….ah well at least I am honest eh? (which btw I am slowly finding out is not off the chart popular either …adding to my nightmare…..wow I am all set to be the most desirable woman in the world! again please note the tone of sarcasm)
lets move on to the song…or else I see this post turning into an EPIC rant ….
So back to the song………..Honest much? Very much……..
One thing I do know……..I’d hate to be the girl in this song…………
I like living a low profile life…..I am comfortable with being under the radar all the time – everytime….I can see how that can bother people or worse make them uncomfortable…….I don’t blame them…..but I am not looking to change or be changed…..
Nope sorry! No can do…..
Sometimes my head wants to scream out…..”Don’t try and fix me, I am not yours to be fixed”……other times I just cannot be bothered to remind people who never forget to remind me …..That I am who I am and am not sorry for being this way……Sorry but I have no qualms with being happy in my very skin….
“She swears that there’s no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It’s all the same if everybody leaves her.“
Like that movie in which the girl always dreams about spiral staircases and ends up building one with a pack of cards…..Only I feel like I am on a never- ending spiral staircase and it really does not matter which way I go, up or down…..It just keeps going on and on……….no one gets it….and trust me it does not help when I am trying with all my might to get people to understand …….I feel like I am fighting for a lost cause here……
“She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she’ll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection. “
Am I being too honest? probably!
Angry? not so much!
Bothered? No not at all!
Rubbed me the wrong way? Oh so so much!
I am NOTand I repeat I am NOTsomebody’s consolation prize…….
“Cuz she’s just the way she is, but no ones told her that’s ok”
I don’t follow the news (******GASPS***** )…Ever!…..Yes, I am not familiar with the current world affairs and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is not that I don’t wish to familiarise myself with subjects such as the world economy, infinite crisis plaguing countries left and right, political power play, technological breakthrough, the sleaze and breeze of the rich and famous I just don’t find the need to. Go ahead and judge me call me an ignorant little blank but that is the truth.
“All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow”
Why? why would I want to know about the thousands of galleons of oil spluttering across the mexican gulf coast? why do I want to know Bill Gates is now the 2nd not the 1st wealthiest man in the world? I don’t want to know which way the easterly winds are going to blow tonight and I definitely do not want to know about the japanese restaurant in Hong kong that has dancing robots serving Sabu Sabu.
“And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World”
I am a cynic, that is my one and only problem. It is always the numbers, the millions and the billions, deaths canvassed as mere statistics, countries ranked high and low, nature raped and celebrated, the elderly sucked out of their living souls, children ruined of their innocence, animals either slaughtered or inducted to the ‘to be’, ‘already’ endangered, extinct list, civil wars raging in God forsaken countries or the % of people living below the poverty line, everyday the papers splash out lines that grab readers with alleged ‘Grave Issues’ and ‘Sordid Affairs’ both in the same tone. I am a cynic at least I make an excuse to be, justified or not, I choose to be isolated, unaware of all this circus, and my opinions are my own, like a cross to be carried. End of the day I don’t care about how many thousand galleons of oil is going to leak or has leaked into the gulf , or how crap their initial estimation of the damn fiasco was. All I want to know is how will someone plug the leak NOT TRY or GUESS but HOW and WHEN, not MAYBE or COULD BE I want to know about the WILL BE. I don’t give a toss about the experts sitting on their high horses suggesting and over analysing for the queen of england, I want to know WHO will? HOW will they? and by WHEN will they?… but hey who am I to ask? I am the bottom dweller who does not read the news remember?
They remind of life that is pure, dreamy and whimsical……….
The Swan Lake ~ Tchaikovsky
My personal favorite….
A Masterpiece in my books……
This piece is so beautiful that it brings out the child in me… Powerful music nonetheless……and I never get tired of it…
As a child I remember having a key ring which had a tiny music box attached to it…I don’t remember the tune on it….but I know I loved it……it belonged to my Aunt……I bet she doesn’t remember ever having one…
You could turn the little copper key and it made a beautiful sound that would fascinate this child for hours….How I wish I could remember the tune …..I hate and regret the fact I lost something, that I know now I would have cherished……A piece of my childhood ……. fragment of my memory…….
I still collect music boxes…..as an act of repentance……I have a couple…. and I know I could never trade them for anything in this world….
My friend sent her mum something like a music box….. I remember the tune distinctly it had the swan lake on it……. it was beautiful…………how badly I wished I had it…..
I have searched in vain for that swan lake music box……..yet to find one….
I still walk around market places searching quaint little second-hand shops in the hope that one day I will find a swan lake music box ….
The more I write about my mundane life…. the more I get comfortable with it……
It feels as if I have sterilized myself of all attachments and emotions……
Once upon a time I thought I had soo much to give to the world…..
Today I am just an incapacitated individual who thinks it is OK to excuse herself of all her self-centered behaviour in the name of self-preservation…..
I have come to realize I chose to be this way…..
I always chose not to give……
Don’t ask me why………I cannot fix it………..
“We’re just ordinary people
We don’t know which way to go”
“Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time
There’s something wrong here, there can be no denying
One of us is changing
Or maybe we just stopped trying”
I have to pick myself off the couch and start scrubbing the floors…..
This strange inertia that has blanketed me has to be thrown off…..
Enough with the wallowing already!
“It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool”
I wish I could put a portfolio together with all the pictures I have taken so far…….
Faux Polaroids strewn across a messy desk……….paper clips……..keys…….coffee mug that desperately needs a refill
My own memory museum…….
Someday……..
“But it’s too late, baby, now it’s too late
Though we really did try to make it
Something inside has died and I can’t hide
And I just can’t fake it”
Imagine a film roll just running continuously in front of you without stopping, random images rolling in a restless pattern, like someone hit a fast forward button on the running print………500 Days Of Summer……..I don’t know how I feel about the rest of the soundtrack of this movie but this one is an absolute delight…….a Mad rush…….I cannot explain.
Auto Pilot Mode -Check ¦ Random Musings – Check ¦ Undone hair – Check ¦Sleep Deprived – Check ¦ Non Stop Brain activity- Check ¦ Smudged Nail Polish- Check ¦Mad Song with Violins and crazy vocals – DoubleCheck
“We’re living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We’re living in a den of thieves
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious
And it’s contagious”
My Mum took me jewelry shopping a few months ago…..
She asked me if I would like a diamond ring……..
Naively I answered “Ma, I don’t want to jinx it…….I’d rather a guy buy me my first diamond ring” (WHAT?? …..r*e*w*i*n*d…….WHAT??………………..because I am worth it like that???? again …HUH????)
Not worth going to your grave for....
Seriously what was I thinking? Where did that come from??
Such a cringe worthy statement from me…..
Unbelievable……
Makes me want to bite my tongue in retrospect….
And Hello!! I have been singing Shirley’s anthem……like forever now………….
“Diamonds are forever”, ……sings Dame Bassey……I did not forget it Miss. Bassey….
“They are all I need to please me” roger that……..
We are a weird lot……
Us women……programmed to love shiny sparkly things from childhood……
Rock those rocks like that…..bling this bling that….
“They won’t leave in the night,
I’ve no fear that they might desert me”
True that sista!
Ok I have a headache and I am too tired to remove the cobwebs in my brain tonight….
I love this song……
It speaks to me……..(and I am sure it speaks to the other 3 billion women on the planet…..)
“Diamonds are forever” Trufax……Trufax…..
“I can see every part,
Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me”
Like this song is about men…..but not really……..Its about diamonds….
I don’t care how Mrs. Jay Z crooned about single women and putting a ring on it…..
Let me just tell her……”Honey…….He put a ring on it……please for Pete sake……Girl don’t sing like you know ….You aint single no more…”…..No offense B……honestly he did put a planet on your finger……
Miss Bassey rules as far as the Diamonds department is concerned…..even Kanye agrees…..
Makes me wonder though what happens to the diamond rings when women die? I don’t mean that in crass heartless way……..
I want to know…….all those Diamond rings…..what happens to them? are they recycled? or become hand downs?
I need to know….
Cause I am not looking to have one from tiffany’s………lets just say A*N*T*I*Q*U*E is the word I am looking for…..
(Hey a girl can dream…….let her!)
“Diamonds are forever,
Sparkling round my little finger.
Unlike men, the diamonds linger;
Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for”
Truest words ……….I want to increase the font size on the last 2 lines………….
“Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for”
I guess…..that is enough for today…….
To end in a very grand fashion………hell with all the cuts……princesss, emerald, carats or carrots……………
For the record I don’t really care………..
“I don’t need love,
For what good will love do me?
Diamonds never lie to me,
For when love’s gone,
They’ll luster on.”
But I have this habit of disturbing the tranquility of still waters…..
Trouble for a middle name……
Unwilling I penned the lines that will unleash chaos…..atleast my own……
Separate Lives ~ Phil Collins Feat* Marilyn Martin
I hear the train pass by…..
The feeble tremor shakes my lampshade……
I recall the montage……
I shiver at the thought….
“You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room”
There seems to be no end to my foolishness…..
Yes I missed a step and yes I tripped….
My head in my hands…..
I wait to pay for my mistake……
Then I remember I am just Human…..
“You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on, holding on to ties
So for now we’ll going on living separate lives”
Missing Soundtrack 