Memory of it fades….

The Game…..

Shape ~ Sugarbabes Feat Sting

Ok the original is far more beautiful than this……

Sting kills it in his own awesome way…..

Clarity

I can sit through hours just to finish a piece of work…….

But I cannot be alone for a minute with these voices in my head……

I cannot make peace with the tumultuous awakenings…

“I’ve always played it safe nothing’s ever safe
Give me the courage to back my own convictions
Every decision I make I pay it back and more”

I am too tired to wave the white flag…..

Too tired to make that mental space…..

Space within this emotional clutter….

A breathing space…..

“Now turn the cards and let them fall to me
Cos I don’t need to play on with the hand that they have given me
I’ll give it back cos it’s not the way it has to be”

Dreams invaded by unsolved mysteries…..

Like messages in a bottle…..

Reach out and watch them fade……

Like waves crashing close a moment….but disappear the next…..

“And you can easily gamble your life away
Second after second
And day by day
You play the game or you walk away
It’s a new turn on a blue day
And a cool deal of life for me
And it’s all good”

On my knees I pray to find salvation…..

Asleep I pray for peace…..

Awake I pray for uninterrupted sleep….

Clubs are the weapons of war.... — Swords of a soldier....

“I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier,
I know that the clubs are weapons of war,
I know that diamonds mean money for this art,
But that’s not the shape of my heart”

Misplaced Mistakes….

I just realised its been 4 months since I finished a book…..

That is so unlike me…..

I start a book and let it go half way……

I remember my mum screaming at me all the time for bringing my book to the dinner table…..

We dont know.... — I don't believe it's a failing.....

This is not about finding the time…..

I don’t know what this is about….

And I fear to find out exactly what or why?…..

All Time Love ~ Will Young

Anxiety ……

Good or Bad?

“Sometimes you walk by the good ones
‘Cos you’re trying to hard, too hard to see them
And sometimes you don’t find the right lines
‘Cos you’re trying too hard, too hard to hear them”
It’s starvation of this mortal soul……

Like losing your way in a maze…

Facing your internal demons….

I am searching for the faith I fail to find in myself….

Failure frightens the day light out of me….

“Let go”…..I scream…..

“Some days you’re too set in your ways
And you forget to shut up, shut up and listen
And some days you just have to misplace all your mistakes
Somewhere that you won’t miss them
So stop lying that you’re fine”

I fail to see my purpose…..

The Purpose of being….

My internal voice lost in the humdrum of untouched lives….

“I don’t believe that it’s a failing
I don’t believe that it’s a fault
‘Cos if everything were plain sailing
Oh tell me what would there be left to exalt”

Lost just to be found….

Break just to be fixed,,,,,

Breathe just to be alive….

Hold on just to let go…..

” ‘Cause you’re like me
And you won’t give up”

Believe…..

“Till an all time love
‘Cause nothing else is good enough
I want an all time love
To find me…”

Lord Knows….

Fractured Life……

I miss my baby sister….

I wonder if she will ever forgive me for missing out on her life so much…..

We were comrades ……I hope we still are…

She is everything I am not…….

But we are like two different beats of the same song….

Just the same but somehow different…….

Aicha ~ Outlandish

“So sweet, so beautiful
Everyday like a queen on her throne
Don’t nobody knows how she feels
Aicha, Lady one day it will be real”

I have beautiful memories of her in my childhood…..

We could claw each others eyes out…..

And cry holding each other at the same time…..

She is what I call a lifeline…..

And she knows me all too well….

“Lord knows the way she feels
Everyday in his name she begins
To have her shining right here by my side
I’d sacrifice all them tears in my eyes”

All the secrets we shared….

The laughter and the tears….

It was always us against the world……..

“She needs somebody to lean on
Someone body, mind & soul
To take her hand, to take her world
And show her the time of her life, so true
Throw the pain away for good”

Sparks…

Sparks~ Coldplay

Things I discover no longer surprise me….

But my nonchalance surprises me…

Unaffected….

I stare now at decadence ……. and stay unmoved by it……

My reactions subdued…

Temper tamed….

“Did I drive you away?
I know what you’ll say
You say, “Oh, sing one we know”
But I promise you this
I’ll always look out for you
That’s what I’ll do”

No element of surprise left…….

Overwhelming emotions died a poisoned death…..

How can one be so underwhelmed by life?

“I saw sparks”

Fools & Kings…

Perfection…..and too much of it……

Nature Boy ~ Nat ‘King’ Cole

I watched the Untamed Heart last night…….where has this movie been all my life?

The soundtrack is beautiful…….

Cole’s voice here is exquisite…..

“There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea”

And I am enchanted…….

And transported to the other world……

Acute emotions…………

“A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise
Was he”

What did snow white and the sleeping beauty have in common?

“And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings”

I don”t know why I can’t help but think of mowgli……..and the jungle book…..when I hear this song…

“This he said to me
-The greatest thing
You’ll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return”

Clouds will Rage….

To Mothers who are, will be and were meant to be…..

In My Arms ~ Plumb

To the child in my dreams….

“Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight”

“I saw you again yesterday…..It seems like we are meant to meet this way…..

I see you……when you think I cannot….

I want you to know ……You were never unspoken of…. far from it…….

I spoke about you all day…..everyday…….

I remember you like a name in the holy book…..

You were my saving grace……

You were our saving grace…….

We never wished you away……

We were the children of that storybook…….

And you our little princess from the fairytale….”

“Story books full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see the truth from lies “

“It is not pain that I feel, but the cold realization,

Of the promise I made….

It is the image of you…..

Your hazel eyes……

Your golden brown hair…..

Your Olive skin…….

See I was a little girl……who loved to dream……

A little girl…….

just like a little girl you would grow up to be…..

But little girls grow up too……”

“Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you “

“I see you……..

I know we see you….

Even though it is no longer ‘us’

We loved you before you came…..

We always loved you as a part of us…..

A part our dream…..

A part of our fairytale……

Precious the name…..

Precious the memory…..

And I pray for the memory…..

You were the Sweetest truth……

You will always be our saving grace…..

You will always be my saving grace…..”

“Clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms”

Eyes of a Passerby…

I would like this to be volume 1 in the Someday series……

No particular order….

Someday ~Sugar Ray

Ok it is because of Mark McGrath…..he reminds me of someone I used to know…..

Not Really……

Well Ok…….maybe…..

Well no but yes……… but thats not the point…….

The point is the Mind- F*”* of lyrics,,,,,,

“Some say
Better things will come my way
No matter what they try to say you were always there for me”

Things I will never say……

Things you will never know…..

“Somewhere
When the sun begins to shine
I hear a song from another time
And they’ll fade away”

Like “I am Sorry”

Like “It was me”

Like “I gave up”

Like “I know you do”

“Someone said you tried too long,

Someone said we got it all wrong,

Someone said we tried too long”

Things you will never know….. are the things I’ll carry to the grave…..

A Little Unkind..

Sad Eyes ~ Bruce Springsteen

I have this feeling lately…….something familiar….

Like someone dropped me off a thousand feet high diving board….

And I am free-falling…..

My life is fast forwarding in front of me in matters of seconds….

Too dramatic eh?

“Every day here, you come walking
I hold my tongue, I don’t do much talking
You say you’re happy and you’re doin’ fine
Well, go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time”

It is all these convoluted thoughts in my head…

Like being trapped in a box….

“Baby, don’t you know I don’t care?
Don’t you know that I’ve been there?”

I hide behind a corroded reflection…..

It is so easy to pretend…..

“Well, if something in the air feels a little unkind
Don’t worry, darling, it’ll slip your mind”

Please tell me it is a phase……it will fade away…..

I don’t want to cushion the blow…..

I will take the hit…….

“I know you think you’d never be mine
Well, that’s okay, baby, I don’t mind”

I hang on to the bare threads of reason…..baseless facts diluting my reasoning…..

Oh have mercy on me…….and spare the broken words…..

“That shy smile’s sweet–that’s a fact
Go ahead; I don’t mind the act”

What if?- is a privilege I cannot allow myself to indulge in…..

“Well, one more step and it’ll be too late”

The stakes are high……

“Like you’re so sure I’ll be standing here”

Stop………Wait…..Am I the choices I make?

“I guess sad eyes never lie”

A Mystery…

I think we need a chirpy song today….because its a windy day……

A feel good number,,,,,

I guess we need our man Buble today…..

Everything ~ Michael Buble

We all wish we meant the world to someone….

or atleast we were the someone in that someone’s world…..

The thing I love here about Buble is that he makes the thought magical for me…..

“You’re a falling star, you’re the get away car.
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you’re the perfect thing to say.”

Kinda makes you want to be the girl he sang this for…..

“And you play it coy but it’s kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don’t pretend that you don’t know it’s true.
’cause you can see it when I look at you.”

It’s his voice …..smooth like honey…….and there you are smiling like a goof…..

“You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space,
You’re every minute of my everyday.”

That last line kills me every time…….

Corny like cotton candy…… but somehow not the cringe worthy kinda corny…..

And …..for my favorite part……

“It’s you, it’s you, you make me sing.
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.”

Now wait for it…the best part….he goes all broody and low…..

“You’re every song, and I sing along.
‘Cause you’re my everything.”

I remember asking this a few years ago……now am going to ask again……

“Mom, Find me a Buble!”

Seriously Ma, about time!

Answers…

The Meaning….

In The Deep ~ Bird York

When I watched the movie Crash it disturbed me…..

I guess I did not know how to react to it…

“Thought you had
all the answers
to rest your heart upon.”

Passive by nature & by choice…

“But something happens,
don’t see it coming, now
you can’t stop yourself.”

30th of March….

I remember last year……the very same day……

I missed my train……

“Now you’re out there swimming..”

I don’t know anymore…..

“Life keeps tumbling your
heart in circles…
Till you…Let go.”

So…

“Till you shed your pride, and you climb to heaven,
And you throw yourself off”

Did I miss something?

“In the silence,
all your secrets, will
raise their worried heads.”

Why try?

“Well, you can pin yourself back together,
to who you thought you were.
Now you’re out there livin’…”

Why?
“Now you’re out there spinning…”

Now am out there swimming………In the deep……

“I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier, I know that the clubs are weapons of war, I know that diamonds mean money for this art, But that’s not the shape of my heart”

“Till an all time love ‘Cause nothing else is good enough I want an all time love To find me…”

“There was a boy A very strange enchanted boy They say he wandered very far, very far Over land and sea”

“A little shy And sad of eye But very wise Was he”

“And then one day A magic day he passed my way And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings”

“This he said to me -The greatest thing You’ll ever learn Is just to love And be loved In return”

“Your baby blues So full of wonder Your curly cues Your contagious smile And as I watch You start to grow up All I can do is hold you tight”

“Story books full of fairy tales Of kings and queens and the bluest skies My heart is torn just in knowing You’ll someday see the truth from lies “

“Castles they might crumble Dreams may not come true But you are never all alone Because I will always Always love you “

“Clouds will rage And storms will race in But you will be safe in my arms Rains will pour down Waves will crash all around But you will be safe in my arms”