Tag: Soundtrack

An Utopian Citizen..

I should have known,,,…I should have known that I couldn’t stay without writing….

Denial,,,, I know I don’t make sense half the time…..and miss the point the other half…..

Wish You Were Here ~ Kate Voegele

I just realized that no matter where you are at in your life the temptation to stay away from your past or look back on what could have been is too much…….

“Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am a utopian citizen
Still convinced
There’s no such thing as idealism”

You need it as much to grow and grow out of it…..

Like breathing…….you don’t have to remind yourself….it just happens naturally…..

You slip in and out of it as if it was your second nature to contemplate on the past…….

It is a f**ked up theory I know…….but its true……

Why are we soo fixated? So stuck in the past that we console ourselves with the thoughts of the future not realizing the future was today!….It was today just like yesterday and just like tomorrow…….it was here…..

“Memories they’re following me like a shadow now
And I’m dreamin’
And I’ve already suffered the fever of disbelief”

The most frustrating part of it all……you spend your last 5-10 years looking back,…..unaware of the time that keeps passing by….which is a worry because sure as hell I don’t want to be here for the next five………

You know all the crap about dreaming……and living the dream……well forget it,…..you might try living life for a change,,,,,

“I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn’t soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I’m mesmerized by the picture that’s in my mind”

Where is the solution? what is the solution?I need to fix this desperately ….

When did life become soo saturated with all this s**t from the past?

I feel the world is closing all its door to me…..because I was too busy opening all these windows to a past……

“Tell me when I’ll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
‘Cause I don’t want to keep on believin’ in illusions”

Am I  living a double life?……wanting to belive in the a future filled with all the hope and the glory it brings along…… and at the same time butchering all the slightest possibilities of realizing  the truth of this reality ….

Am I the only one who has this all wrong?

“Sometimes I can’t explain
And I’m so sorry that I can’t
I’ll try to concentrate
On your true identity”

As I toss and turn in the darkness……disgusted by my inability to take on life….like taking a bull by its horns (Ah the cliché…)……I have never felt so hopelessly weak and lost……

What have I done?

Will I always chase after the perfect ending?

What am I talking about? there never will be an ending to this story……. there never was a beginning…….

It was all in my head…….I had it all in my head…..oh what have I done?

“I’ve seen your act
And I know all the facts
I’m still in love with who I wish you were

Don’t get me wrong I never once regretted it……

And I know for a fact that I never will….

It aint hard to see
Who you are underneath
I’m still in love with who I wish you were”

I wish you were here…

And I wish I was here………

Living  today……..

Silent Reverie..

It is Ghost town…..

I won’t be around for awhile to write…….its what they call “Mental Health Time Off” (The irony right?) only this time it is more than that……

I wish to write, I want to write about all of it……but its just not the right time though…..

It’s just not the time…..

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

“Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight”

Fear is hopeless……

The past week I have walked around feeling surreal….about all that has happened…

For first time in days I actually look into the mirror and feel as fragile as I look……

I wish I did not know it…….

It’s feels as if being permitted to lay down the burden today and say “I am tired”

I have imagined a dozen of scenarios with the worst case being true….

It is hard to be positive in times like these……

“So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees”

I think about people who have had it worse…….

how callous and insignificant my pity party seems in contrast…..

People who deal with all the realness in this world….

People who live to have that fighting chance……

People who make it through the day…….everyday….

How dare I complain?…….

“In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here”

Something you should know about Angel Lyrics

Title: Sarah McLachlan – Angel lyrics

Artist: Sarah McLachlan Lyrics

Visitors: 2540 visitors have hited Angel Lyrics since June 03, 2010.
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Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

It’s Only My World..

Another blue sky today….

It will wear out….. the fancy I mean…

It’s Only My World ~ Jae Joong

A splinter……

Jae’s voice is invincible as usual……before I make this post about the boy and his voice….I will stop here cause I can do him no justice…..

Even though the song is in korean…..poetry is poetry….

Here  is a rough english translation…….

“You tell me that I know very little about the world

With eyes showing a little worry, with a sorry smile”

I like to draw lines……lines that I don’t cross……lines I expect people never to cross….

Be it my personal space…..or be it my own emotional boundary…

There are ties I never will break……compromises I will never make…….and people I never can betray….

“Yeah, I guess I really don’t know the world

Maybe I walked this long way by myself”

I meet a lot of people who think I can easily be manipulated in thinking otherwise….

All the beliefs and values I have ……. can be easily bent by strangers who claim to know me or know my type….

That eventually I will come around,,,

I see no point arguing with people like that……I don’t like wasting my time……

“But I don’t have regrets,all the dreams with smiles or cries”

When it comes to relationships…..I have no maybe……or eventually in my dictionary……

If I did not feel it then…..there is no way I will not feel it now…..nor ever….

And for people who say “Oh you don’t know yet……..you wait…….you’ll see…….I will show you…..”

I will have them know I was not born yesterday…….

“But I don’t have regrets, finding and going through all my dreams”

There are no grey areas…….for me…..

I wish people did not push my limits……..

I maybe tolerant……but I am not ignorant……..

“I’ll tell you that you don’t know the world much”

If people did not figure that out about me by now……I am not going to hold my breath…..

“Yeah, I guess I really don’t know the world,

Maybe I’m all alone in this path .

But I don’t have regrets, the dreams that were so close

It’s only my world”

All those arrows,

I have a colour picture this time…….

The moment was too pretty to just be black and white…..

I fell in love with the blue sky……

Please don’t go ~ Barcelona

This song is precious perfection….

“All those arrows you threw, you threw them away
You kept falling in love, then one day
When you fell, you fell towards me
When you crashed in the clouds, you found me”

Mystery…

How do you keep your inner secrets?

They call it mysterious because they fail to understand…

The Beyond……

The boundaries of a mortal mind…

“Get these left handed lovers out of your way
They look hopeful but you, you should not stay
If you want me to break down and give you the keys
I can do that but I can’t let you leave”

Hush..

Listen….

You hear it calling….

Imagination reigns a broken mind…..

Locked is this unfounded mistake…

Breaking the realms of reality…

Stay…

Find me those muted words,,,

Run..

Towards the disappearing horizon…

Speak..

As you recall a dream afloat this life…

Void..

I cannot write these days and that kinda makes me sad….. The leftover emotions from friday….the strange dreams……

I feel something is dissolving…….

Conviction……

Wake me up when september ends ~ Green Day

Words don’t connect……Signs dont shine…….

Anticipation…

Some days I forget I am supposed to be living……

Other days I remember it is living me…….

Fate….

The seclusion of a twisted gaze……..

Do I even care anymore?


“here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are”

“as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends”

“summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends “

I cannot write these days and that kinda makes me feel sad….

Wooden Shoes..

When the Stars go Blue ~ Tyler Hilton & Bethany Joy Lenz

When I went back home this time, I was  looking at all the old family pictures, My mum proudly showed me her wedding album which had undergone a makeover…..

I had forgotten how much I loved those pictures ….. they were all black and white……don’t ask me how? and Why? ….I don’t know why the most important day of my parent’s  life was shot in black and white…(of course being an arid fan of the BW images…..I totally approve)…Rest assured colour photos did exist around the time they got married…..its just one of those things I will never know…..

I took a few shots of these pictures with my camera, I didn’t think it was right to ask my mom if I could take a few away with me….not like she would have refused…..they both looked quite sweet in those pictures……and I could not have been more proud…..

This picture here is a snippet of a shot with both of them in it……though the velvet flower pinned to my dad’s suit was lost by the time the big day was over… I still love his navy blue tie and not to mention the crisp white shirt which happens to be his trademark……nothing I can say or describe would do justice to how my mother looked that day…….in all that grandeur……elegant and classy…are the words I am looking for..lets just say……I approve of my father’s taste in women……

“Dancing where the stars go blue
Dancing where the evening fell
Dancing in my wooden shoes
In a wedding gown”

I never had to travel far, search history books or read fairy tales to find an epic romance……. I just know two people who have lived one for the past 26 years……..

“Dancing out on seventh street
Dancing through the underground
Dancing little marionette
Are you happy now,”

One thing I do know for sure is that they don’t make them like this anymore……

Empty Shores…

Center Of Attention ~ Jackson Waters

“You want your independence
But you wont let me let you go
You wanna test the waters
And leave it on the empty shores”

Sometimes I miss the sound of thunder..

I stayed wide awake in the eerie hours of the morning..

I remembered a story I heard from my grandma

Vaguely..

About this little boy who discovered a hole in a dam and how he stayed up all night trying to stop the water…

They found him dead the next morning…

Later they discovered he had saved the town…

He was a hero…

I don’t remember my reaction…

It was a sad story.,

Reminds me of the little match girl in many ways….

I miss the sound of thunder….

I miss a home that seems just too far today….

Being brave does not mean you are without fear…..

It means you did not let fear stop you….


Stranded..

We are feeling cheesy pop today.

Stranded ~ Jennifer Paige

Soo back in the day….this song….

It never fails to put a smile on my face….

¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦We Smilin¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

Maybe because the world was a little kind to us today…or maybe because we don’t need a solid reason

Maybe we’re crushin a little on the stranger we havent met

or maybe it was the happy pill….

…….

Maybe we switched off excess brain activity

Maybe we are nervous today..

Maybe because we are just plain fools

Maybe because we are not feeling ourself today…

Maybe we are sick…

OR

Maybe sometimes being happy means not needing a reason to smile..

Maybe

Maybe….we will never know….

Maybe

“I’m crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea”

That Life,

The clouds are heavy today, overshadowing the mood…..giving me a sense of tranquilty……With my easy listening playlist on……the perfect sunday continues…..I look  out my kitchen window…..eventhough it seems cold outside I feel okay….the gentle breeze swaying the trees……if only life stayed that way……light and breezy…

Light Years Away~ MoZella

This song  reminds me of telephone boxes for some strange reason….when I think about it, it is not  all that strange….

“It’s almost like you had it planned
It’s like you smiled and shook my hand and said
“Hey, I’m about to screw you over, big time”
And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and a hard place
We won’t talk about the hard place”

I think about all the times I stood inside those stupid telephone boxes crying……never wanting to make that call again……..standing infront of all those payphones dialing away my misery…….whispering quietly “I will wait”…….hoping to recognise the voice on the other end…..

“It’s how you wanted it to be
It’s like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I’m never going back
To who I was“

Strangers waiting behind me ……with that impatient look on their faces, their looks said…”Lady, you are wasting your coins and my time”……. how can they be so heartless? I think to myself……..I try and wipe away the last tear…….and I whisper again quietly “I will wait”……….it is the last coin…….I hate the last coin…….it always has to be the last coin……I drop it in……..the last 30 secs go by…….and before I can blink……the voice on the other line is gone……..

“But I don’t blame you anymore
That’s too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I’m not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life “

I havent stepped into a telephone box for years now…….I no longer use payphones……..I don’t remember that number my fingers memorised  ……no lose change to carry around thinking….just in case………

Meanwhile the sun shines shyly through the blinds on my window……….

“That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away”

Amazing Grace…

Bibo no Aozora~ Ryuichi Sakamoto

Been doing a bit of soul-searching lately…..stopping once in a while …. stepping out of my world…….and what I am looking at is not pretty……My reflections for the day book in the past couple of days talks about the cup of life……and how we got to hold it, lift it and eventually drink from it….. joy, sorrow, pain, laughter, hope, despair, highs and the lows, truth, lies, desires, disappointments, the works……… easier said than done…….I found out that I am not even ready to hold my cup yet…….let alone drink from it……I fail to acknowledge its existence…….The existence of something so profound,  at the core of my very faith and belief……..

The first time I saw Babel I think it unnerved me…..I was not moved by it, it frightened me insted……the truth in it was shocking…..Sakamoto’s piece in the end is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time….Tokyo in the last scene is breath taking…..cinema at its finest indeed….

They say there is more to life than just this or that ….Honestly I havent got a clue how to go about it……however maybe getting my priorities right could be a hopeful start?