The Odds

The Actor ~ Michael Learns to Rock

Now now don’t go judging my taste in music,just because it is MLTR, I will have you know MLTR was a great band to whom I owe my true teenage romance….

I have a very dear mixed tape which has Paint My Love taped trillion times on it……maybe that will be a story to tell for another day…

But we have many MLTR songs to play……maybe we will and maybe we won’t who knows….well time will tell…

Speaking of time……how the tables have changed…..

Not opening a can of worms or anything….am just generally surprised by the change….. Like tasting a lemon cake after a cup of coffee (which is yum btw you should try it)

No no I am not getting this right….

I am generally surprised by life…..and the change it has brought about …..

The change in me and the people I knew…..

I am surprised (that doesn’t happen a lot….believe me)

Well switch to the song….I’ll get to the point in a min….

It is a tough one to decipher….(well not really……writing it in detail will just give the plot away…..you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure this one out…..)

“He takes you out and he
takes you up
’cause he can show you so much
I go to bed and tomorrow again
There’s a lot of work to be done”

I travelled on a train one day and I met this old sailor gentleman or a seaman as they would like to be called…..who loved the sea too much….

We spoke about life and things in general…….

He commented on the Thomas Hardy book which I was reading at the time…”The Woodlanders”

I told him it was my second reading and it was one of my all time favorites by Hardy…..

As the conversation went on…..he amazed me with his wit and honesty…..

He was in deep thought…..and suddenly he said to me (what he said next,,,,,this I was not ready for)…..that I deserved to be with a dreamer…..someone who is not ambitious to take over the world….but is wise enough…..who has a big heart and is loved by all….

“He gives you gold and
He’ll promise you
The whole world will be yours
I just can tell you I love you so
Even though my odds are low”

I was astonished…..and at the same time I doubted the matter being true…..I wondered should he say this to another girl…..she would feel the same way…..like I did at the time…..How does he know me so well? Maybe he is a con artist (or just a big old smoothie who knows what to say to get the women smiling)

Anyways my destination was near and I bid farewell to the sage sailor , he wished me well and I got off the train ……Undeniable was fact  he left a deep impression on me by saying the things he said…. but what he said got me thinking……even though he pulled off the “I envision your man to be” trick with ease…..I knew what he said was nevertheless true…..

“The dirty games and the
Neonshows
This is the world he knows
Watching the stars satisfies my soul
Thinking of him makes me feel so cold”

People think I am lying when I tell them I don’t dig the ambitious wall street, suited up, Porsche driving Joneses’ and Smiths’ , oh the dirty looks  they throw when I say I rather the man write poetry that don’t sell or tend a farm and bring up half a dozen of grubby looking kids…

I imagine the looks I’d get from my family if I told them…..oh the looks of horror….quite comical……lol thinking of it just cracks me up….

Who would have thought it…….

But it is true though……I feel I am not meant to be the lady of leisure who tends to her immaculately manicured lawns….nor am I the type to be the trophy wife who dotes on her golf playing husband and is the epitome of a perfect hostess who knows how to throw a party for the crème le de creme…nor is it my wish to be the power dressing 9-5 woman expected to say nothing but razor sharp things (so sharp I nearly cut myself there)..no sir, these hands were made for scrubbing those grubby kids……and tending to a half a dozen of animals……growing tomatoes…..packing organic lunches…..wearing cotton dresses, reading books in a hammock and worrying about little cuts and bruises….

“The fancy cars and the
Restaurants
You’re just so fond of the man
Sometimes I wonder if you are blind
Can’t you see, he’s got dirt on his mind”

If only…..if only life was as simple as Hardy’s simpleton folks….

So how did the tables turn?  why do people love slotting you into little pigeon holes?

Why is high-end the ultimate end? and why is class always on top?

Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence the saying goes…..

nevertheless expectations are to be met….and predestined paths  to be tred……Or so I am told….

So don’t call me a hypocrite if I fall victim of the swanky Lord of the Mansion on the next street……atleast I wished to be on the other side of the fence….

“I’m not an actor I’m not a star
And I don’t even have my own car
But I’m hoping so much you’ll stay
That you will love me anyway”

Young Again…

Love Song ~ 311

I know people like the Cure version best….

But Moi goes for the feel of the song

Wow what a downpour today..

I’ll live to see the monsoons hit this side of the world (I wish!)

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again”

I remember..

I have this strange twisted need to imagine myself in the hospital

Doesn’t really make sense because I hate hospitals…

Just the smell and sight of them makes me nauseous

And lets just day the doctors and nurses will never be my peeps…(No offense Doc!)

Jokes apart

It could be that I spent a lot of time in hospitals in my younger days, more than my share really..

I watched my 2 of  grandparents fight their last battles there..

And even though my parents do mention in passing about my brief stint there as an infant…. I don’t ever remember  being in one…not that I would like to dissect that further…

There is something about hospitals and train stations that make feel like they reek of death..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again”

The worst part of it all…I always Imagine myself in the hospital….

Like thinking what should I say to my family…

If I will ever get flowers delivered….

How many get well cards I will get..(given my reputation for being the most popular person{Sarcastic Watson, I am being Sarcastic} this is a real worry…)

I like to imagine who I would want to hold my hand before I die…

Even though I flinch at the thought of it all…that doesn’t stop me from imagining stuff like this…

But there is something about hospitals that I cannot get my head around…

It feels like me, the hospitals and the train stations will never make our peace..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again”

What a depressing thought to start of with…totally not what I came here to write about..

Anyways before I digress and suck the life out of a beautiful day like a dementor..

The day is beautiful….just the way I like it…

Cool breeze, pregnant clouds looming around, the swinging trees….

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again”

Only the other day my aunt asked me the if I was scared..

Actually lot of people these days ask me if I am scared…

I know I give them the “I cannot afford to” shrug….

Honestly I haven’t given it a thought as yet…

I don’t know should I be scared?

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again”

I don’t know, it’s just not my style to be…

Maybe I am missing the point…

The world knows something that I don’t..

I know I am absolutely loco to think like I do, psychotic as my friends say….but those are just stuff that pop up in this silly head of mine…

But I got to say, the world around me has sobered up a bit..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again”

Well anyway what shall be will be….

Where were we going with the song?

Oh I remember..

I like it….(A lot!)

It is almost perfect…in my humble opinion..

I have to run a bath….need to mull things over…

And here is me hoping to never see myself in a hospital,

Why you may ask?

Well other than the 99 other reasons I just gave….

I must say the top reason will always be that the Hospital gowns are just not my style….

“However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you”

97th Time

Ready? Not an easy one….total mindf%#K this time!

Don’t say I dint  warn you!

Pseudo-Conversations

Blah Blah Blah Blah….

Blah de blah de blah……

Confused? well let me break this down…..

You know the things you really want to say but you always end up saying something utterly ambiguous in contrast to the things you were supposedly thinking?

(Wait…….What?)

I consider myself the forerunner in the art of such non-existent conversations….

(FFS JEN!)

Ok Ok we will go into a song…….meanwhile I will collect my thoughts and figure out how I can write like an (a ahem,!) adult (psh!)  and the world can make sense again?

Someday We’ll Know ~ New Radicals

I can see it I am going to run this post to the ground by my incessant…….inarticulate f**kery!

(WTH!- meanwhile can I just interject that this is my next song in the someday series…kthnxbye!)

What I am trying to say is I cannot speak my mind……we all know this is an ongoing problem……yeah yeah I took one of those classes which was going to teach me how to speak my mind…… (Alright…alright mom I wont practise on you!)…..well surprise! It dint work……….well to really break it down I AM CHICKEN BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL PEOPLE WHAT I AM ACTUALLY THINKING!

There! (Phew!….now that was easy!)

“90 miles outside chicago
Can’t stop driving
I don’t know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later, you’re still on my mind”

Random enough?

What was I saying? ah my inability to converse about my deepest (aka I am A FREAK!), innermost (yeah right you freak!) feelings (Ha ha ha…….oh no you were serious?)

Dont belive me?

Hypothetical roleplay

(One such conversations taking place between two random people..people we don’t know! no no we don’t know them

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental….Of course! what did you expect?……this is no freaking auto bio you know!)

“Whatever happened to Emilia Earhart ,Who holds the stars up in the sky?” she asked him

“Is true love just once in a lifetime ?” he asked her back…..

“Did the captain of the Titanic cry” she questioned again

.

,

,

(You feeling me? noo? well lets continue then…..)

.

.

.

He said “Someday we’ll know, If love can move a mountain”

“Someday we’ll know,Why the sky is blue” she replied

“Someday we’ll know,Why I wasn’t meant for you” he whispered…

.

.

.

(Psst…psst……is she dumb? well you know a little bit…..meanwhile you guys see what I mean?…hmm kinda? well you’ll see what I mean when I am through with this….keep rolling….)

*

******

“Does anybody know the way to Atlantis,Or what the wind says when she cries” she blinked blankly….

I’m speeding by the place where I met you, (he Paused)…For the 97th time…. tonight” he exclaimed!

*

*******

(I know what you lot are thinking…….it gets better I tell you….)

********

*

“Someday we’ll know,Why Samson loved Delilah” he said smiling at her….

Smiling back slowly she said One day I’ll go
Dancing on the moon

He stiffened and with the familiar finality in his tone he said Someday you’ll know
That I was the one for you

**********

Thoughts in her head I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren’t you here with me?

::::Finito::::

SO?

Did you get what I mean?

(NO?…………..MY POINT EXACTLY!)

That enough tomfoolery for today Miss Moses!

PS: Old habits die a thousand deaths indeed! (You Wish!)

Today Never Happened..

The Cross road….

I am in no mood to write….

But the vagueness of life compels me to put down my 2 cents on crossroads…..and the frequency in which I keep finding myself at one……which is often….

Dare you to move ~ Switchfoot

I could just say the universe is at it again….

Conspiring…….throwing that special U Bend at me….Yet Again!

Betting on me to lose……

Asking me to choose between….chaos and control…..

Blatantly asking me “Who’s Laughing now Kid?”

“Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?”

My sister reminds me that no matter what, it has always worked out in my favor and I have no reason to feel apprehensive this time around just because it was not part of  “THE PLAN”!

And I have to say that my little Miss Smarty Pants is right (as always, …..now don’t go telling her that I said so….)

But how is one supposed to STOP, DROP and take that U TURN?

Well the voice of reason says……”Simple, You just do”…..

“Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be”

In case you haven’t noticed…..

In case you haven’t already figured it out…..

This is about….. Who I am…….and Who I could be………

And Yes this is also about ….How it is……..and How it should be….

“Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here”

Cross roads are life’s take on second chances…..

“I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before”

Listen Baby…

We need sugary fluff today……

What better than having Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell do one of the greatest duets ever?

Aint No Mountain High Enough ~ Marvin Gaye & Tammi Tarrell

I smile just by hearing him go…”Listen Baby”

I know, I know candy floss is soo last season……

But we are loving the saccharine tasting love songs today……

That warm fuzzy feeling oh how we missed it….

Those little flutters in your heart, that made your toes curl up……

“If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I’ll be there in a hurry
You don’t have to worry
‘Cause baby,”

cause baby” he says…..

“There ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you”

here is to all that’s good and cheesy in this world….

Oh Sugar you got me high!

Broken Poetry..

Our Battles ~Maria Mena

Not tied down..

Insolence leaves me no choice…

contemptuous feelings fill my eyes half full…..

“Our battles are repetitious
if not broken poetry
and maybe that’s the attraction
that you’re as self-absorbed as me”

Fruitful unfaithfulness…. preach anything but the truth..

Gamble with your muses because this world offers you its untouched falses,,,

Fed is that beast within….

“You jumped to the conclusion
and landed on my chest
Now how am I supposed to make you see.”

Artist may have their art, but thy sir made lying an art for all but the faithful,

Retribution in that defenseless soul……..now stripped of its innocence…..

Take all that you can to leave the barren just as defenseless…

“I’ll just write this down
with hopes that you’ll understand
I can no longer be disciplined by
the frustration of an insecure man”

Admire he who wears the same mask every night and every day…..he cannot be what he isn’t…and will pretend anything but to be….

Afraid of him thou shall be who speaks with the tongue of honey and yet wears the cloak of mischief and stalks the lonely street..

“And as I kiss your face you’ll know that
I can no longer apologize for
your former lover’s mistakes”

When did the unfaithful contend those who pretended all but to be?

Wounded are the forgotten….

Like those unmarked graves they will remain unremoved…

Forgotten and yet Forgiven..

Mourned and yet always blessed as they will be…

“My past is mine to keep
Who are you to question me…?
Perhaps someday you’ll learn
Too bad
it’s not our turn”

The Key..

Key to My Heart ~ Jessica Jarrell

Rarely do I sit up and take notice of the new kids on the block, ones who can sing…..

But when I heard this song in the movie (The Back Plan)…..I honestly searched all around trying to find out who sang it…..I was surprised to find out it was a 15-year-old who sang it…..more than the vocals I think what impressed me most was the emotions she put into it……it sounded as if she was being effortlessly earnest about what she sang,,

“Boy you put me on the spot I don’t know what to say
But I’m trying anyway
Like my hearts gonna drop
My mind drifts away and I can’t control the pains”

Blessed are people who can let themselves fall unconditionally…….because they know not what it feels like to have a constricted heart .

Words are spinning in my head
Don’t know why I’m holding back
I should just tell you how I’m feeling”

Blessed are people who can say exactly what they think…….because they will never know how it hurts to hold back.

“The more I brush it off
Tell myself it’s nothing at all
Deeper I fall”

Blessed are people who can let go with no strings attached….because they will never know how hard it is to hold on.

“And I imagine everyday
A thousand different ways
How you respond to what I say”

Happy are they who can let their dreams come true………because they will never have to wonder why they never did.

“Am I getting lost in my dreams?
Are you unreachable to me?
Cause these butterflies just won’t go away”

Blessed are they who can relish each moment of the feeling……..because they will never know what it feels like to fear it.

“But I don’t wanna act a fool
Don’t wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don’t know what you gonna do”

But most of all blessed are they who believe in it……..because they will never have to feel cut up for being a non believer.

So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I’m feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart”

Little Bird…

Are You Alright – Lucinda Williams

Three words you want to ask your friend……

“Are you all right?- All of a sudden you went away ”

Three words you want to say to someone you lost….

“Are you all right?- I hope you come back around someday”

Three words you want to ask someone you miss…..

“Are you all right? – I haven’t seen you in a real long time”

Three words to someone you wish you could see…..

“Are you all right?- Could you give me some kind of sign?”

Three words to describe regret…….

“Are you all right?- I looked around me and you were gone”

Three words to let some know you are worried sick….

“Are you all right?- I feel like there must be something wrong

Three words…..

“Are you all right?
Cause it seems like you disappeared”

Your Fears….
“Are you all right?- Cause I’ve been feeling a little scared”

Words you cannot ask…..

Are you sleeping through the night?
Do you have someone to hold you tight?
Do you have someone to hang out with?
Do you have someone to hug & kiss you?

Your burden…..
“Are you all right?-  Is there something been bothering you?”

Things you wish you knew….

“Are you all right?- I wish you could give me a little clue”

Words you wish you could hear….

“Are you all right?- Is there something you want to say?”

Words that would put your mind to ease….

“Are you all right?- Just tell me that you are ok”

Your disappointment

“Are you all right?- Cause you took off without a word”

Three words….

“Are you all right?- You flew away like a little bird”

Three words that would make it ok…

“Are you all right?-Is there anything I can do?-Are you all right?”

Sometimes the three words you want to hear……

“Are you all right?
Cause I need to hear from U
Are you all right?”

It’s not so bad..

Toil and Trouble….

Thank you ~ Dido

Not the right song for how I am feeling today,,,,

But the right song to say we can always be hopeful….

I like Dido and she makes life easy for me…..well atleast the 3:46 mins while she is playing on my iPod.

I have a couple of drafts lying un-posted….

Just don’t feel like they convey anything at the moment…..

I am trying really hard to find the right words…..

Like they say let it come to you…..

Oh and it does……just like trouble….

Trouble, Trouble, Trouble…….like Ray whines…..

I have trouble and half a dozen of its army waiting outside my door …..

My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why I
Got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window,
And I can’t see at all
And even if I could it’d all be grey
Put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it’s not so bad
It’s not so bad”

I could describe with all my might with  the usual clichéd philosophical crap*….hmm like

How do you react when the very ground that you are standing upon gets jerked off? (Nobody’s fault…)

Are you a fool for taking things for granted? (course you are…)

One min you are living your dream…..the next moment life happens……

But that doesn’t make the blow any less painful……

“I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there’ll be hell today
I’m late for work again
And even if I’m there, they’ll all imply
That I might not last the day
And then you call me and it’s not so bad”

And I can play it off saying “C’est La Vie Baby” but the truth is I am just numb…..or maybe just plain dumb……

I could do much worse…..infact I know I could……

No mouths to feed….or kids to clothe….. I could say I have had it easy…..

I told a friend yesterday I really ought to see a shrink…..half jokingly …..

Am gonna let Dido finish my happily ever after dream sequence to an epic but tragic post……

“Push the door,I’m home at last
And I’m soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel
And all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn’t have a clue
Because you’re near me”


Quater past three…

You Found Me ~ The Fray

Closed door….

Why? and Me?

Where? and Now?

What? and Do?

Will? and I?

“Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me

Why’d you have to wait to find me, to find me?