Author: Missing Soundtrack

A Tell Tale Sign

Nothing in My Way ~ Keane

I should know answering fire with fire is no way to resolve issues……… I am no epitome of patience but I ought to know better…..

Do I call the contradicting forces tearing my life apart blessings in disguise?

The truth is it is hard to watch yourself waste away in the hopes of conquering a fate that is not yours to create…….or should I say was never yours to create……

Waste is a word which is like a Mac knife stuck in my side…….threatening to muffle my voices of faith and last cries of hope….

I who am nothing…….will never be defined by what I leave behind……

Bitter I may be but not yet insane……..

I am not what I used to be…..but I am not who I have never been…….

I am the yet to come……..and this day will pass……this pain will subside ……this ravenous storm……will calm…..

And then when the truth finds it’s way home……there I will be to break the whispering wind…..becoming my own……..

“It’s just another day, nothing in my way…..I don’t want to go……. I don’t want to stay….so there’s nothing left to say”

Displaced..

Got a lot of things to say picking up at the middle is more appropriate than the beginning. Things ought to be in their place, even memories whilst we are on the topic of picking up where we left off, how do you pick up a life hastily abandoned years ago?

Million Faces~ Paolo Nutini

You know the story of the frog that sat in a well and wished to see the stars shining up in the dark brooding skies? Well it went something like this…so the frog finally got out of the well and to this new exciting outside world spite of the froggy peers advise about the big bad world.  Lets fast forward a couple of frog years , so Mr. Learned Frog returns to the well (Don’t ask me why) all learned sans the “Worldly Wise” attitude, hoping to slip back to normalcy knowing all that he knew, and seeing all that he had seen. I cannot remember for the life of me how the story ended, but normal in Mr. Frog’s life was quite underrated, yes you heard me right, I said underrated He was wise but not wise enough to know Normal was not what he would get when he did get back. You see the problem was this – Mr. Frog had a heart that belonged in the well, but a mind that had aged beyond his years.. Slowing down was not his problem, it was the falling behind. Anyways I might suck at storytelling, but I hope you get the gist. I have no moral of the story,  nor a quirky clever sign off, but if I must end I say this “Oh how we chase the past…..and yet soo afraid to find it breathing down the neck all but to tie a noose”

Until next time….

“Oh a million faces pass my way
Oh they’re all the same, nothing seem to change anytime I look around ,Oh who knows just what the future holds”

Wise Man

How You Remind Me ~ Nickelback

It was a reminder alright….

You know the problem with being the “Bad Guy” in a story..

Is that your perception is as screwed as the person next to you…..  you just happen to hold the title….

People love themselves a Hero……don’t they?

But you got to agree….we need a Bad Guy who can make the Good Guy look Good…..am just sayin…..

It don’t matter if you are the victim or the villain….

The hero always saves the day…..

So next time you want to talk about saving the world, maybe Superman here can lend you his heart scratch that…..I meant lend you his “Kryptonite” ….Wait! No……we meant call Clark Kent….

’nuff said….

I am going to put my hands in my pocket and whistle a happy song……cause they say that the Sun’s gonna be gone for too long…..

“Never made it as a wise man
I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me”

I could do more than just waste your time, son.

Getting through…

You ~ Switchfoot

I learned something today….

I learned that when the going gets tough…..I run to my Dad…..

I realised that no matter how tough I act or how ridiculously smug I am….. I need my father to hold my hand when the world rears its ugly head at me…..

I remember calling my Dad who lives 7,000 miles away and crying about my leaking roof foolishly……. thinking that he can fix it……wanting to believe he can fix it…for me…..

Today is just one of those days……

I was on my way to lunch…….I saw the elderly couple I see at the church every sunday…..they were walking from the local surgery……

I lit up, cause it had been awhile since I last saw them…..I was happy to see them…..

I enquired if all was well as I did not see them at church for couple of weeks, she shook her head…and my heart dropped….she held my hand and she shook her head…..I saw it in her eyes………and my throat started to close up…..like unknown hands had gripped it and it hurt like hell……She looked deep into my eyes desperately……holding my hands tighter…..she said “He has dementia”, I wanted to scream……like I was in pain……I thought I would explode…she repeated those words…..and all I could hear was white noise…… I don’t know why she looked at me like that..but it tore my soul up…..I struggled with words….. clumsily I put my hand on her small shoulders and said “I will pray”…and “It will be ok”..I couldnt bear to look at her…… I wanted to pull away…..

I wanted to pull away and walk as quickly as I can…….because I did not know what to do…or say…….I wanted it to stop this pain inside……like someone stuffed a piece of cloth down my throat…….

I looked at him…….and he smiled at me……..I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me…..

I wanted someone to hold me tight……hold my breaking heart……and make the pain go away,.,,,,

I wanted to say something and the words failed me…….

I got back to work…..I called that one person who’s voice would make it ok…….. and numb my pain……

I called my Father…..

Incoherently I spoke  between sobs ……..I muttered I wasnt ok……I repeated what had just passed

I wanted to tell him instead that my world was crashing around me….and I wanted him to hold me…..and make it stop……make it all stop….

I don’t remember what he said…..I still don’t remember what he said……

Her voice still rings clearly in my head……I saw her pain and it was just too real for me to handle……I saw her tears ….and now I am haunted by it….

And I cannot stop it…….

I want the world to make sense…….

I want it to be ok…..

I want them to be ok…..

I want to go back to that moment and ask her “If there is something I can do?”,….I want to say all the things I could not say,,,

I want to hold them tight…..

I want it to go away like a bad dream…..

I want to remember them togeather…..Holding hands…..

Watching them at church I envied them together……I wanted to grow old like that…..

I don’t want this memory……

Try as I may it won’t leave me alone……

I want my father to say  “It will be ok”

Just this once….

I want him to fix it…….

“There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through”

Shadows of a song..

Every Ship Must Sail Away ~ Blue Merle

It’s official Watson!  I have lost my mojo….it is the damn brick wall I keep running into…..

Any particular reason? you might ask….

Nope, none that I can think of…..

Maybe inspiration has run dry this side of the world…

Even the furniture-less, and almost empty flat doesn’t do anything for me …..

You hear that?

It’s an echo in an empty mind…..

“Have you ever heard the sounds
In the shadows of a song
Have you ever felt their words
Blow right through you from beyond ”

Aftermath….

Not the cookies taste sweeter kind, definitely not the being in an Air Supply song feeling…..

It’s the aftermath of all the cookies and too much Air Supply songs kind….

The kind that makes you throw up on an empty stomach…..

“Oh change is in the air
And you wear it oh so well
I asked you if you cared
But if you cared I couldn’t tell”

Shy away sun, make way for the dreadful moon…..cause she doesn’t shine…..not as we want her to….

“‘Cause years pass and people change
The bluest skies turn to gray”

Cast away that frown, Honey……cause here comes the rain….

Poignant and Plain…

“And though it’s gonna hurt for now
Every ship must sail away
Every ship must sail away”

Silly Little Moment…..

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room ~ John Mayer

Been my jam for 2 days now……I cannot stop listening….

John Mayer in 2 posts straight….hmm

“It’s not a silly little moment,
It’s not the storm before the calm”

Someone said the other day “You are not what you have”

If you think you are what you have then you are a fool…..said the Wiseman…

Well that’s good cause I have nothing…..(I mean nothing that needs to be padlocked or hidden in a bank’s safe)

Do I like the feeling of having nothing?

I will come back to that in a min…..

“Nobody’s gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms”

So the world doesn’t walk your walk……

And the problem is?

I am not a straight line that the world has to scale itself against…..

But I am gonna walk the talk I talk…..the only one I know……

So what if my Heroes are as tragic as I am?

Sure they dint scale mountains or build empires…..

But they won these once lost dreams……

So I havent got it all figured out……and?

So I haven’t conquered the world yet…..Atleast I graduated in you ‘Life’

“How dare you say it’s nothing to me?”

Do I like the feeling of having nothing?

Are you kidding me? It is liberating…..

“Go cry about it – why don’t you?”

I graduated in you – Life!

and I intend to learn your lessons my way……. Thank you very much!

“Don’t you think we oughta know by now?
Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?”

All at once..

Dreaming With a Broken Heart ~ John Mayer

I am tired today….. very tired….

I cannot work my brain too hard….

I am scared it might malfunction sooner than expected.

So we will try and keep this simple…

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part “

The weather is much gloomier than expected…..

Reminds me of the Little Bo Peep rhyme….how strange…

“You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe”

Now you know what would be even more crazy…..

Me remembering the words to the rhyme….

Oh tooo late…….I know it……

Damn I know Little Bo Peep… How sad is that?

“When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part”

Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep…..And she didn’t know where to find them,,,,

Leave them alone and they will come home….wagging their tails behind them…….

Wait a minute…..this is some serious s**t  for a bloody nursery rhyme…..

Food for thought eh?

What are they teaching kids in school these days?

Did Socrates go to school? No silly of course not…… he was home schooled….He learnt Little bo Peep when he was like 3 flippin years old……

Wait!        What?

“Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?”

Would you get them if I did?

PS: Pointless post is Pointless

Second Best…

You know you f%*ked up big time when you are listening to always on my mind for the nth time…..

Personally I love the Willie Nelson Version best…….but am gonna let our man Michael Buble sing it in his dreamy voice…to soften the blow…..and make it seem less achy and breaky…..

Always On My Mind~ Michael Buble

Archie Comics was my thing growing up…… The whole tension between Betty, Archie and His Veronica was appalling..The whole triangle thing got me very frustrated and worked up every single time……I hated Archie.. I don’t know about you but all my life I wondered “How the hell Archie couldn’t see how hopelessly in love Betty was with him?” , I just couldn’t get over the fact he was such a d*&khead…..and yet I borrowed the comics from the library day after day every summer for years…just hoping one day they would end up together…..

But the authors being the bunch of sadist b**tards they were kept taunting me with the almost there moments….

The moral of the story however was don’t waste your time on messy triangles or quadrangles….

I always thought that the whole Ethel and Jughead story was soo down played…..they were my next favorite because I was secretly rooting for Ethel to win over the absolutely cool Jughead….there was this one story that stayed with me….. Ethel asks Betty to write down everywhere that she would get over Archie….which Betty half heartedly carries out……the story ended with Ethel going home and writing everywhere that she would get over Jughead… I don’t know why but I thought it was funny and at the same time a little sad……

If only all that we wrote made any difference……..

If only….

“If I made you feel second best
Girl, I’m sorry I was blind”

Forgot about Faith…

I fall asleep mysteriously these days…

I snooze everywhere I can and at any given time of the day….

I sit on the couch and its barely noon and I am off before I know it…

Hours later I wake up and it’s almost the end of the day..

In God’s Hands ~ Nelly Furtado

I know its trivial…….

But in the time I have fallen asleep I feel ages have gone by…

and I forget what happened a few hours ago…..

I remember struggling to sleep for years…..

“Now our love’s floating out the window
Our love’s floating out the back door
Our love’s floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God’s hands”

Life has its poetic moments….and all that implies…….

Walking in the rain yesterday, was mine….

“Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It’s part of a plan
It’s back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands”

We’re Undone…

I am not a martyr…

I have never walked the line nor dodged a bullet…..

But today I feel like a tragic flaw…

Not because of my inability to write or communicate…

It is because of my selfish need to destroy whats left of    innocence…

We Belong Together ~ Gavin DeGraw

I know someone who lost his wife to cancer……

Everytime I heard him speak of his late wife…I saw a spark…. A reverence in his eyes….Like she never left him…….and Their’s was a story that generations would come to hear and it would still evoke the same sense of magic and hope as it did for me in this cold twisted world….

“The hammer may strike, be dead on the ground
A nail to my hand, a cross on his crown
We’re done if we’re undone
Finished if we are incomplete
As one we are everything
We are everything we need“

Every great story has a “Happy Ending”……what makes them great is not the Happily ever after…..it is the start and the middle bit that most of us in our own lives forget to enjoy….

“What good is a life, with no one to share
The light of the moon, the honor of a swear
We can try to live the way of which you speak”

I have an apology to write……a long one….an apology for my lost innocence,

An apology for the promise I never did keep…

But this darkness does not have all the answers…

“We belong together
Like the open seas and shores
Wedded by the planet force
We’ve both been spoken for”

I am not a martyr…..

I did not dodge any bullets…..

I turned my back on that one true thing I swore I would protect….now what does that make me?

“All this indecision
All this independent strength
Still, we’ve got our hearts on save
We’ve got our hearts on save”

They say “Just because a song is going to end, there is no reason not to love it”

But why do I feel I was the one who destroyed the tape?

“Someday when you’re lonely
Sometime after all this bliss
Somewhere lost in emptiness
I hope you find this gift… “