All those arrows,

I have a colour picture this time…….

The moment was too pretty to just be black and white…..

I fell in love with the blue sky……

Please don’t go ~ Barcelona

This song is precious perfection….

“All those arrows you threw, you threw them away
You kept falling in love, then one day
When you fell, you fell towards me
When you crashed in the clouds, you found me”

Mystery…

How do you keep your inner secrets?

They call it mysterious because they fail to understand…

The Beyond……

The boundaries of a mortal mind…

“Get these left handed lovers out of your way
They look hopeful but you, you should not stay
If you want me to break down and give you the keys
I can do that but I can’t let you leave”

Hush..

Listen….

You hear it calling….

Imagination reigns a broken mind…..

Locked is this unfounded mistake…

Breaking the realms of reality…

Stay…

Find me those muted words,,,

Run..

Towards the disappearing horizon…

Speak..

As you recall a dream afloat this life…

Void..

I cannot write these days and that kinda makes me sad….. The leftover emotions from friday….the strange dreams……

I feel something is dissolving…….

Conviction……

Wake me up when september ends ~ Green Day

Words don’t connect……Signs dont shine…….

Anticipation…

Some days I forget I am supposed to be living……

Other days I remember it is living me…….

Fate….

The seclusion of a twisted gaze……..

Do I even care anymore?


“here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are”

“as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends”

“summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends “

I cannot write these days and that kinda makes me feel sad….

Wooden Shoes..

When the Stars go Blue ~ Tyler Hilton & Bethany Joy Lenz

When I went back home this time, I was  looking at all the old family pictures, My mum proudly showed me her wedding album which had undergone a makeover…..

I had forgotten how much I loved those pictures ….. they were all black and white……don’t ask me how? and Why? ….I don’t know why the most important day of my parent’s  life was shot in black and white…(of course being an arid fan of the BW images…..I totally approve)…Rest assured colour photos did exist around the time they got married…..its just one of those things I will never know…..

I took a few shots of these pictures with my camera, I didn’t think it was right to ask my mom if I could take a few away with me….not like she would have refused…..they both looked quite sweet in those pictures……and I could not have been more proud…..

This picture here is a snippet of a shot with both of them in it……though the velvet flower pinned to my dad’s suit was lost by the time the big day was over… I still love his navy blue tie and not to mention the crisp white shirt which happens to be his trademark……nothing I can say or describe would do justice to how my mother looked that day…….in all that grandeur……elegant and classy…are the words I am looking for..lets just say……I approve of my father’s taste in women……

“Dancing where the stars go blue
Dancing where the evening fell
Dancing in my wooden shoes
In a wedding gown”

I never had to travel far, search history books or read fairy tales to find an epic romance……. I just know two people who have lived one for the past 26 years……..

“Dancing out on seventh street
Dancing through the underground
Dancing little marionette
Are you happy now,”

One thing I do know for sure is that they don’t make them like this anymore……

Empty Shores…

Center Of Attention ~ Jackson Waters

“You want your independence
But you wont let me let you go
You wanna test the waters
And leave it on the empty shores”

Sometimes I miss the sound of thunder..

I stayed wide awake in the eerie hours of the morning..

I remembered a story I heard from my grandma

Vaguely..

About this little boy who discovered a hole in a dam and how he stayed up all night trying to stop the water…

They found him dead the next morning…

Later they discovered he had saved the town…

He was a hero…

I don’t remember my reaction…

It was a sad story.,

Reminds me of the little match girl in many ways….

I miss the sound of thunder….

I miss a home that seems just too far today….

Being brave does not mean you are without fear…..

It means you did not let fear stop you….


Stranded..

We are feeling cheesy pop today.

Stranded ~ Jennifer Paige

Soo back in the day….this song….

It never fails to put a smile on my face….

¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦We Smilin¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

Maybe because the world was a little kind to us today…or maybe because we don’t need a solid reason

Maybe we’re crushin a little on the stranger we havent met

or maybe it was the happy pill….

…….

Maybe we switched off excess brain activity

Maybe we are nervous today..

Maybe because we are just plain fools

Maybe because we are not feeling ourself today…

Maybe we are sick…

OR

Maybe sometimes being happy means not needing a reason to smile..

Maybe

Maybe….we will never know….

Maybe

“I’m crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea”

That Life,

The clouds are heavy today, overshadowing the mood…..giving me a sense of tranquilty……With my easy listening playlist on……the perfect sunday continues…..I look  out my kitchen window…..eventhough it seems cold outside I feel okay….the gentle breeze swaying the trees……if only life stayed that way……light and breezy…

Light Years Away~ MoZella

This song  reminds me of telephone boxes for some strange reason….when I think about it, it is not  all that strange….

“It’s almost like you had it planned
It’s like you smiled and shook my hand and said
“Hey, I’m about to screw you over, big time”
And what was I supposed to do?
I was stuck in between you and a hard place
We won’t talk about the hard place”

I think about all the times I stood inside those stupid telephone boxes crying……never wanting to make that call again……..standing infront of all those payphones dialing away my misery…….whispering quietly “I will wait”…….hoping to recognise the voice on the other end…..

“It’s how you wanted it to be
It’s like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend
In the end
And I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I’m never going back
To who I was“

Strangers waiting behind me ……with that impatient look on their faces, their looks said…”Lady, you are wasting your coins and my time”……. how can they be so heartless? I think to myself……..I try and wipe away the last tear…….and I whisper again quietly “I will wait”……….it is the last coin…….I hate the last coin…….it always has to be the last coin……I drop it in……..the last 30 secs go by…….and before I can blink……the voice on the other line is gone……..

“But I don’t blame you anymore
That’s too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I’m not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life “

I havent stepped into a telephone box for years now…….I no longer use payphones……..I don’t remember that number my fingers memorised  ……no lose change to carry around thinking….just in case………

Meanwhile the sun shines shyly through the blinds on my window……….

“That life seems like light years away
Light years away
And that life seems like light years away
Light years away”

Amazing Grace…

Bibo no Aozora~ Ryuichi Sakamoto

Been doing a bit of soul-searching lately…..stopping once in a while …. stepping out of my world…….and what I am looking at is not pretty……My reflections for the day book in the past couple of days talks about the cup of life……and how we got to hold it, lift it and eventually drink from it….. joy, sorrow, pain, laughter, hope, despair, highs and the lows, truth, lies, desires, disappointments, the works……… easier said than done…….I found out that I am not even ready to hold my cup yet…….let alone drink from it……I fail to acknowledge its existence…….The existence of something so profound,  at the core of my very faith and belief……..

The first time I saw Babel I think it unnerved me…..I was not moved by it, it frightened me insted……the truth in it was shocking…..Sakamoto’s piece in the end is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time….Tokyo in the last scene is breath taking…..cinema at its finest indeed….

They say there is more to life than just this or that ….Honestly I havent got a clue how to go about it……however maybe getting my priorities right could be a hopeful start?

Wicked Game

Naive….

Wicked Game ~ Chris Issack

I have memories of this song….some good and some bad… but this song never makes me bitter……personally I think the emotion conveyed in this song is quite spiteful……but thats just me, am sure people would like to disagree with me on this one. Being the sad twisted person that I am………

Keep everything and everyone an arm’s length away……..always……..

Thats me……….thats what I do……thats what I always have done………..Non-Chalant…..people oversee this disgraceful quality in me….

While we are on the topic of drawbacks….my biggest drawback (other than being a cold-hearted b**** that is….) is that I am not a control freak just the complete opposite of it really…….and the last time I checked this was NOT the most appealing trait to have as a girl………lucky for me right? (Note the sarcasm)…….ah well at least I am honest eh? (which btw I am slowly finding out is not off the chart popular either …adding to my nightmare…..wow I am all set to be the most desirable woman in the world! again please note the tone of sarcasm)

lets move on to the song…or else I see this post turning into an EPIC rant ….

So back to the song………..Honest much? Very much……..

One thing I do know……..I’d hate to be the girl in this song…………

Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster~ Jon McLaughlin

I like living a low profile life…..I am comfortable with being under the radar all the time – everytime….I can see how that can bother people or worse make them uncomfortable…….I don’t blame them…..but I am not looking to change or be changed…..

Nope sorry! No can do…..

Sometimes my head wants to scream out…..”Don’t try and fix me, I am not yours to be fixed”……other times I just cannot be bothered to remind people who never  forget to remind me …..That I am who I am and am not sorry for being this way……Sorry but I have no qualms with being  happy in my very skin….

“She swears that there’s no difference,
Between the lies and compliments.
It’s all the same if everybody leaves her.“

Like that movie in which the girl always dreams about spiral staircases and ends up building one with a pack of cards…..Only I feel like I am on a never- ending spiral staircase and it really does not matter which way I go,  up or down…..It just keeps going on and on……….no one gets it….and trust me it does not help when I am trying with all my might to get people to understand …….I feel like I am fighting for a lost cause here……

“She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she’ll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection. “

Am I being too honest?  probably!

Angry? not so much!

Bothered? No not at all!

Rubbed me the wrong way? Oh so so much!

I am NOT and I repeat I am NOT somebody’s consolation prize…….

“Cuz she’s just the way she is, but no ones told her that’s ok”

Mad World…

Mad World~ Gary Jules

I don’t follow the news (******GASPS***** )…Ever!…..Yes, I am not familiar with the current world affairs and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is not that I don’t wish to familiarise myself with subjects such as the world economy, infinite crisis plaguing countries left and right, political power play, technological breakthrough, the sleaze and breeze of the rich and famous I just don’t find the need to. Go ahead and judge me call me an ignorant little blank  but that is the truth.

“All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow”

Why? why would I want to know about the thousands of galleons of oil spluttering  across the mexican gulf coast? why do I want to know Bill Gates is now the 2nd not the 1st wealthiest man in the world? I don’t want to know which way the easterly winds are going to blow tonight and I definitely do not want to know about the japanese restaurant in Hong kong that has dancing robots serving Sabu Sabu.

“And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World”

I am a cynic, that is my one and only problem.  It is always the numbers, the millions and the billions, deaths canvassed as mere statistics, countries ranked high and low, nature raped and celebrated, the elderly sucked out of their living souls, children ruined of their innocence, animals either slaughtered or inducted to the ‘to be’, ‘already’ endangered, extinct list, civil wars raging in God forsaken countries or the % of people living below the poverty line, everyday the papers splash out lines that grab readers with alleged  ‘Grave Issues’ and ‘Sordid Affairs’ both in the same tone.  I am a cynic at least I make an excuse to be, justified or not, I choose to be isolated,  unaware of all this circus, and my opinions are my own, like a cross to be carried. End of the day I don’t care about how many thousand galleons of oil is going to leak or has leaked into the gulf  , or how crap their initial estimation of the damn fiasco was. All I want to know is how will someone plug the leak NOT TRY or GUESS but HOW and WHEN, not MAYBE or COULD BE I want to know about the WILL BE. I don’t give a toss about the experts sitting on their high horses suggesting and over analysing for the queen of england, I want to know WHO will? HOW will they? and by WHEN will they?… but hey who am I to ask? I am the bottom dweller who does not read the news remember?