Tag: Life

Young Again…

Love Song ~ 311

I know people like the Cure version best….

But Moi goes for the feel of the song

Wow what a downpour today..

I’ll live to see the monsoons hit this side of the world (I wish!)

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again”

I remember..

I have this strange twisted need to imagine myself in the hospital

Doesn’t really make sense because I hate hospitals…

Just the smell and sight of them makes me nauseous

And lets just day the doctors and nurses will never be my peeps…(No offense Doc!)

Jokes apart

It could be that I spent a lot of time in hospitals in my younger days, more than my share really..

I watched my 2 of  grandparents fight their last battles there..

And even though my parents do mention in passing about my brief stint there as an infant…. I don’t ever remember  being in one…not that I would like to dissect that further…

There is something about hospitals and train stations that make feel like they reek of death..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again”

The worst part of it all…I always Imagine myself in the hospital….

Like thinking what should I say to my family…

If I will ever get flowers delivered….

How many get well cards I will get..(given my reputation for being the most popular person{Sarcastic Watson, I am being Sarcastic} this is a real worry…)

I like to imagine who I would want to hold my hand before I die…

Even though I flinch at the thought of it all…that doesn’t stop me from imagining stuff like this…

But there is something about hospitals that I cannot get my head around…

It feels like me, the hospitals and the train stations will never make our peace..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again”

What a depressing thought to start of with…totally not what I came here to write about..

Anyways before I digress and suck the life out of a beautiful day like a dementor..

The day is beautiful….just the way I like it…

Cool breeze, pregnant clouds looming around, the swinging trees….

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again”

Only the other day my aunt asked me the if I was scared..

Actually lot of people these days ask me if I am scared…

I know I give them the “I cannot afford to” shrug….

Honestly I haven’t given it a thought as yet…

I don’t know should I be scared?

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again”

I don’t know, it’s just not my style to be…

Maybe I am missing the point…

The world knows something that I don’t..

I know I am absolutely loco to think like I do, psychotic as my friends say….but those are just stuff that pop up in this silly head of mine…

But I got to say, the world around me has sobered up a bit..

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again”

Well anyway what shall be will be….

Where were we going with the song?

Oh I remember..

I like it….(A lot!)

It is almost perfect…in my humble opinion..

I have to run a bath….need to mull things over…

And here is me hoping to never see myself in a hospital,

Why you may ask?

Well other than the 99 other reasons I just gave….

I must say the top reason will always be that the Hospital gowns are just not my style….

“However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you”

Today Never Happened..

The Cross road….

I am in no mood to write….

But the vagueness of life compels me to put down my 2 cents on crossroads…..and the frequency in which I keep finding myself at one……which is often….

Dare you to move ~ Switchfoot

I could just say the universe is at it again….

Conspiring…….throwing that special U Bend at me….Yet Again!

Betting on me to lose……

Asking me to choose between….chaos and control…..

Blatantly asking me “Who’s Laughing now Kid?”

“Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?”

My sister reminds me that no matter what, it has always worked out in my favor and I have no reason to feel apprehensive this time around just because it was not part of  “THE PLAN”!

And I have to say that my little Miss Smarty Pants is right (as always, …..now don’t go telling her that I said so….)

But how is one supposed to STOP, DROP and take that U TURN?

Well the voice of reason says……”Simple, You just do”…..

“Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be”

In case you haven’t noticed…..

In case you haven’t already figured it out…..

This is about….. Who I am…….and Who I could be………

And Yes this is also about ….How it is……..and How it should be….

“Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here”

Cross roads are life’s take on second chances…..

“I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before”

It’s not so bad..

Toil and Trouble….

Thank you ~ Dido

Not the right song for how I am feeling today,,,,

But the right song to say we can always be hopeful….

I like Dido and she makes life easy for me…..well atleast the 3:46 mins while she is playing on my iPod.

I have a couple of drafts lying un-posted….

Just don’t feel like they convey anything at the moment…..

I am trying really hard to find the right words…..

Like they say let it come to you…..

Oh and it does……just like trouble….

Trouble, Trouble, Trouble…….like Ray whines…..

I have trouble and half a dozen of its army waiting outside my door …..

“My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why I
Got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window,
And I can’t see at all
And even if I could it’d all be grey
Put your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it’s not so bad
It’s not so bad”

I could describe with all my might with  the usual clichéd philosophical crap*….hmm like

How do you react when the very ground that you are standing upon gets jerked off? (Nobody’s fault…)

Are you a fool for taking things for granted? (course you are…)

One min you are living your dream…..the next moment life happens……

But that doesn’t make the blow any less painful……

“I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there’ll be hell today
I’m late for work again
And even if I’m there, they’ll all imply
That I might not last the day
And then you call me and it’s not so bad”

And I can play it off saying “C’est La Vie Baby” but the truth is I am just numb…..or maybe just plain dumb……

I could do much worse…..infact I know I could……

No mouths to feed….or kids to clothe….. I could say I have had it easy…..

I told a friend yesterday I really ought to see a shrink…..half jokingly …..

Am gonna let Dido finish my happily ever after dream sequence to an epic but tragic post……

“Push the door,I’m home at last
And I’m soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel
And all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn’t have a clue
Because you’re near me”


An Utopian Citizen..

I should have known,,,…I should have known that I couldn’t stay without writing….

Denial,,,, I know I don’t make sense half the time…..and miss the point the other half…..

Wish You Were Here ~ Kate Voegele

I just realized that no matter where you are at in your life the temptation to stay away from your past or look back on what could have been is too much…….

“Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am a utopian citizen
Still convinced
There’s no such thing as idealism”

You need it as much to grow and grow out of it…..

Like breathing…….you don’t have to remind yourself….it just happens naturally…..

You slip in and out of it as if it was your second nature to contemplate on the past…….

It is a f**ked up theory I know…….but its true……

Why are we soo fixated? So stuck in the past that we console ourselves with the thoughts of the future not realizing the future was today!….It was today just like yesterday and just like tomorrow…….it was here…..

“Memories they’re following me like a shadow now
And I’m dreamin’
And I’ve already suffered the fever of disbelief”

The most frustrating part of it all……you spend your last 5-10 years looking back,…..unaware of the time that keeps passing by….which is a worry because sure as hell I don’t want to be here for the next five………

You know all the crap about dreaming……and living the dream……well forget it,…..you might try living life for a change,,,,,

“I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn’t soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I’m mesmerized by the picture that’s in my mind”

Where is the solution? what is the solution?I need to fix this desperately ….

When did life become soo saturated with all this s**t from the past?

I feel the world is closing all its door to me…..because I was too busy opening all these windows to a past……

“Tell me when I’ll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
‘Cause I don’t want to keep on believin’ in illusions”

Am I  living a double life?……wanting to belive in the a future filled with all the hope and the glory it brings along…… and at the same time butchering all the slightest possibilities of realizing  the truth of this reality ….

Am I the only one who has this all wrong?

“Sometimes I can’t explain
And I’m so sorry that I can’t
I’ll try to concentrate
On your true identity”

As I toss and turn in the darkness……disgusted by my inability to take on life….like taking a bull by its horns (Ah the cliché…)……I have never felt so hopelessly weak and lost……

What have I done?

Will I always chase after the perfect ending?

What am I talking about? there never will be an ending to this story……. there never was a beginning…….

It was all in my head…….I had it all in my head…..oh what have I done?

“I’ve seen your act
And I know all the facts
I’m still in love with who I wish you were

Don’t get me wrong I never once regretted it……

And I know for a fact that I never will….

It aint hard to see
Who you are underneath
I’m still in love with who I wish you were”

I wish you were here…

And I wish I was here………

Living  today……..

Silent Reverie..

It is Ghost town…..

I won’t be around for awhile to write…….its what they call “Mental Health Time Off” (The irony right?) only this time it is more than that……

I wish to write, I want to write about all of it……but its just not the right time though…..

It’s just not the time…..

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

“Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight”

Fear is hopeless……

The past week I have walked around feeling surreal….about all that has happened…

For first time in days I actually look into the mirror and feel as fragile as I look……

I wish I did not know it…….

It’s feels as if being permitted to lay down the burden today and say “I am tired”

I have imagined a dozen of scenarios with the worst case being true….

It is hard to be positive in times like these……

“So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees”

I think about people who have had it worse…….

how callous and insignificant my pity party seems in contrast…..

People who deal with all the realness in this world….

People who live to have that fighting chance……

People who make it through the day…….everyday….

How dare I complain?…….

“In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here”

Something you should know about Angel Lyrics

Title: Sarah McLachlan – Angel lyrics

Artist: Sarah McLachlan Lyrics

Visitors: 2540 visitors have hited Angel Lyrics since June 03, 2010.
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Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

It’s Only My World..

Another blue sky today….

It will wear out….. the fancy I mean…

It’s Only My World ~ Jae Joong

A splinter……

Jae’s voice is invincible as usual……before I make this post about the boy and his voice….I will stop here cause I can do him no justice…..

Even though the song is in korean…..poetry is poetry….

Here  is a rough english translation…….

“You tell me that I know very little about the world

With eyes showing a little worry, with a sorry smile”

I like to draw lines……lines that I don’t cross……lines I expect people never to cross….

Be it my personal space…..or be it my own emotional boundary…

There are ties I never will break……compromises I will never make…….and people I never can betray….

“Yeah, I guess I really don’t know the world

Maybe I walked this long way by myself”

I meet a lot of people who think I can easily be manipulated in thinking otherwise….

All the beliefs and values I have ……. can be easily bent by strangers who claim to know me or know my type….

That eventually I will come around,,,

I see no point arguing with people like that……I don’t like wasting my time……

“But I don’t have regrets,all the dreams with smiles or cries”

When it comes to relationships…..I have no maybe……or eventually in my dictionary……

If I did not feel it then…..there is no way I will not feel it now…..nor ever….

And for people who say “Oh you don’t know yet……..you wait…….you’ll see…….I will show you…..”

I will have them know I was not born yesterday…….

“But I don’t have regrets, finding and going through all my dreams”

There are no grey areas…….for me…..

I wish people did not push my limits……..

I maybe tolerant……but I am not ignorant……..

“I’ll tell you that you don’t know the world much”

If people did not figure that out about me by now……I am not going to hold my breath…..

“Yeah, I guess I really don’t know the world,

Maybe I’m all alone in this path .

But I don’t have regrets, the dreams that were so close

It’s only my world”

Amazing Grace…

Bibo no Aozora~ Ryuichi Sakamoto

Been doing a bit of soul-searching lately…..stopping once in a while …. stepping out of my world…….and what I am looking at is not pretty……My reflections for the day book in the past couple of days talks about the cup of life……and how we got to hold it, lift it and eventually drink from it….. joy, sorrow, pain, laughter, hope, despair, highs and the lows, truth, lies, desires, disappointments, the works……… easier said than done…….I found out that I am not even ready to hold my cup yet…….let alone drink from it……I fail to acknowledge its existence…….The existence of something so profound,  at the core of my very faith and belief……..

The first time I saw Babel I think it unnerved me…..I was not moved by it, it frightened me insted……the truth in it was shocking…..Sakamoto’s piece in the end is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time….Tokyo in the last scene is breath taking…..cinema at its finest indeed….

They say there is more to life than just this or that ….Honestly I havent got a clue how to go about it……however maybe getting my priorities right could be a hopeful start?

Little Things…

Ever believe in Magic?

For me everything is magical…….

Cherry Blossoms……Spring…….

Fog……

Young Couples in Love….Snow Globes…….

Holding Hands…..

Music on the radio………..Pictures…….

My favorite are the little musical moments in movies where people just walking by stop and break into a song……

Little Things ~ Colbie Caillat

Little Things...
The Little Things...

“The little things, you do to me are
taking me over, I wanna show ya
everything inside of me
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating”

Of late, while walking home from work……the pavements are littered with white cherry blossoms…..

I love walking by them…….I imagine them being laid out just for me……….

Makes me want to start singing “Would’nt it be Loverly” just like Audrey in My fair Lady (Seems a bit far-fetched doesn’t it?……A dream sequence maybe?)……..

Any moment now I expect people around me to start singing just like that movie……

Got to be my favorite musical movie moment of all times……

I know it is crazy……and I know it doesn’t make any sense……

But it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy…….

I wish to witness a real life musical moment,,,,,,watch a flash mob of some sort……

Where crowds of people on a busy street break in to a random song (the one I recognise I hope)…..

Just stand there in awe and surprise…..

Feeling the magic……

A real life musical moment………

“My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, Get your attention
before you pass me by”

Sparks…

I saw sparks....
I saw sparks...

Sparks~ Coldplay

Things I discover no longer surprise me….

But my nonchalance surprises me…

Unaffected….

I stare now at decadence ……. and stay unmoved by it……

My reactions subdued…

Temper tamed….

“Did I drive you away?
I know what you’ll say
You say, “Oh, sing one we know”
But I promise you this
I’ll always look out for you
That’s what I’ll do”

No element of surprise left…….

Overwhelming emotions died a poisoned death…..

How can one be so underwhelmed by life?

“I saw sparks”

A Little Unkind..

Sad Eyes ~ Bruce Springsteen

Plenty of time..
Plenty of time..

I have this feeling lately…….something familiar….

Like someone dropped me off a thousand feet high diving board….

And I am free-falling…..

My life is fast forwarding in front of me in matters of seconds….

Too dramatic eh?

“Every day here, you come walking
I hold my tongue, I don’t do much talking
You say you’re happy and you’re doin’ fine
Well, go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time”

It is all these convoluted thoughts in my head…

Like being trapped in a box….

“Baby, don’t you know I don’t care?
Don’t you know that I’ve been there?”

I hide behind a corroded reflection…..

It is so easy to pretend…..

“Well, if something in the air feels a little unkind
Don’t worry, darling, it’ll slip your mind”

Please tell me it is a phase……it will fade away…..

I don’t want to cushion the blow…..

I will take the hit…….

“I know you think you’d never be mine
Well, that’s okay, baby, I don’t mind”

I hang on to the bare threads of  reason…..baseless facts diluting my reasoning…..

Oh have mercy on me…….and spare the broken words…..

“That shy smile’s sweet–that’s a fact
Go ahead; I don’t mind the act”

What if?- is a privilege I cannot allow myself to indulge in…..

“Well, one more step and it’ll be too late”

The stakes are high……

“Like you’re so sure I’ll be standing here”

Stop………Wait…..Am I the choices I make?

“I guess sad eyes never lie”